I think I'm going to have to end it because...

[PanHaggerty]

... he's too big for me! So, the situation is that my FWB has a very large penis and he has inadvertently hurt me a couple of times during sex. I'm rather small down below and I'm perimenopausal and thus a bit dry to boot, so it's not a great combination to start with, but even without that he is still a lot larger than average and he says he's been dumped before over it so I don't want that to be the final outcome for us.

Basically, spontaneity/quickies are not possible because he needs to spend a lot of time on foreplay. I can orgasm through penetration but only if he can grind the base of his penis against me, so it doesn't work with him because he can't get all the way in. He can't really let go during sex because he might end up banging my cervix. And although he hasn't said so, I know it's frustrating for him to only be able to half-penetrate me.

He is really great in every other respect, skilled at oral etc, and I like him a lot as a friend. But I also prefer PIV sex to any other type and I just don't get off on oral or fingers in the same way.

I am honestly looking for advice on how I might be able to get around this without ending the relationship. I don't want to let it go or to hurt him, but also don't want to forego PIV. Are we just physically incompatible?

I've been in a similar situation, I had to call it a day unfortunately. I know loads of women love a bigger penis but for me it just hurt, no matter how much foreplay went into it etc. I started to dread sex because i knew it would be nothing but painful and not enjoyable at all

Ah, that's a shame. I guess I can't make my vagina bigger and he can't make his dick smaller, so we might be a bit stuck.

Also me giving oral sex was out of the question due to his size, and that was disappointing. Hopefully Someone will come along to offer decent advice for you

Yeah, I have to admit oral is pretty daunting. I do it because he does it for me, and he never tries to thrust at me, but I can't get much of him in my mouth and I always wonder if it's more frustrating than not for him.

There is a Sex And The City episode on just this topic, when Samantha has a lover who is too much for her. She finally asks if they can just be friends!

I’ve been there.

And I did break up with him because it was too big.

My DH is larger like you describe. I found the same experience at first like you as I just wasn't used to it. I have found that yes it is important to be properly aroused before he penetrates me, but also that it feels to me like I have expanded somewhat to be able to take him. If we don't have sex for a little while then I definitely feel like I'm being stretched a hell of a lot.

Perhaps your cervix is more sensitive....I love that I can feel his cock pushing right up against it and is something I love from him being big.

How often are you seeing him as maybe you are not getting the chance to expand and accommodate him? Have you tried a larger vibrator when you are alone to expand and keep a little larger to accommodate him?

We meet once a month for several days in a row, as that's when he's in my city for work (he's not married, btw - I know it sounds like he is). The rest of the time he's too far away for it to be convenient.

Perhaps more regular sex with him would "stretch" me somewhat but I can't see myself ever finding it pleasurable to have my cervix battered! It just feels horrible, not so much a sharp pain as a sick, swooping sensation in my stomach.

I do actually have a large vibrator (that's still smaller than he is) that I've been trying to use in between times but it doesn't seem to get easier. I feel like it's now something I'm having to make myself do rather than looking forward to it. It's not going to work out, is it?

Doesn't sound very hopeful. What a waste! ; )

You can't be doing something that makes you feel sick! But don't tell him it's because of his size. You'll give him a complex.

Well, he's already been dumped on the basis of his size before, and I think he already has a complex about it, which is why I didn't want to end it over this. But what else can I say? Do I have to lie to save his feelings?

I think you should tell him the truth. Better to feel that something he can't change is the problem, rather than believing you don't like his personality. At some stage he'll meet a woman who he's a good fit with.

I assume you are doing this but do you use tons of lubricant ?

Yeah, we do. Without being too crude about it, the issue isn't so much getting in at all, it's that he can't get all the way in because he hits the end of my vagina when he does. For the reasons I explained in my original post, this is frustrating for both of us and it means that a fair few positions are out of the question.

Make your mind up, either you are in a relationship with him, or he's a fwb. If he is a fwb, there's no need to explain an ending, or you could just say you've met someone nearer to you who you'd like to date. You don't owe him anything, a white lie is ok.
Someone once told me that vaginas come in all shapes and sizes, and that taller women have longer ones in general, not sure if true, but maybe he should aim for tall women to stand a chance as the way you describe him, sounds unusually large.

Maybe you have a tipped-back cervix. There's a special name for it (that I can't remember!). It's quite common. It means that unfortunately, due to the laws of Physics, when he gets sort of to the end, instead of just basically squashing everything in a straight line back deeper into you, which shouldn't hurt, he catches the curve of your cervix but as it's tipped a bit down and back, it shoves it right further backwards and flips your uterus consequently forwards, tugging at your ovaries as it does so.

All of which is not supposed to happen, and ovaries being sensitive like balls, and it all being horrible and much worse because he has such a (ahem, in this scenario) weapon, it must feel almost catastrophic?!

It would feel like he's doing something quite awful to you and you'd better stop asap before you are pretty much disembowelled. Because that is actually what is happening.

Hmm.

Bad fit.

It is also true that there is as much variety in vaginal dimensions as there is in penis size. And yes, shorter women generally have shorter ones. How tall are you? I'm 5ft 7 and a half and my ex went from me to a woman of 4 ft 11, which said it all I'm afraid. (We get on fine but were not an ideal fit.)

He needs an Amazonian. Tell him that. If you want to be kind, tell him your cervix tips backwards and that's why (because it may very well be the case).

Tell him to get a very tall girlfriend. And check the angle of her cervix.

Yes, he's a FWB, but I don't want to be a dick to him if I can possibly help it. It's not his fault.

I'm 5'5", so not particularly short, but that's interesting about different cervix types. When I go for a smear, the nurse always says it's difficult to find because of its position, so maybe that explains it!

Omg yes that is totally it. Absolutely I have the same and always had the same comment from the (veterinary?!) nurse and then finally only had the doctor doing it (smear test ;) and it's fine then because they know how.

Maybe my vagina is longer than yours (...) as I don't have the pain issue with sex (or partner not so gigantic 😅) but I do have to be a bit careful about the angle ... which is why I know how the being-broken-in-half sensation feels 😱

Have you considered asking him to use one of the rings to control how deep he can go. www.stressnomore.co.uk/stopper-ring-13323.html

It’s all about positions!, you need to experiment and try positions where he penetrates less deeply but still, gets the friction which should satisfy him but stop you getting so uncomfortable. Have you tried face to face on your sides? You can be in control of the pace and the depth of penetration then 🙌🏼

Seems purely an experience thing to be honest. I am a man with a penis which is quite a bit larger than average. Sounds great to some people but some partners have had difficulty with it in the past. Now I have learned what to do if the woman is relatively small that it isn't a problem at all.

@ReadyforTakeOff

Seems purely an experience thing to be honest. I am a man with a penis which is quite a bit larger than average. Sounds great to some people but some partners have had difficulty with it in the past. Now I have learned what to do if the woman is relatively small that it isn't a problem at all.

hey, ReadyforTakeOff - careful or you will have us all lining up for you to check your methods on us! : D

Parker, that's funny...well let's just say that it's all about practice and knowing what to do with it..!