How to tell DH I need more foreplay

[nonflirtinghusband]

Inspired by the Hollywood sex thread, I'm kind of embarrassed that I don't ever (well, rarely) come when having sex with my DH. There is foreplay, he does go down on me etc, but not for long enough for me to orgasm. This has been since forever and I'm embarrassed that I haven't been more demanding. I've always been self conscious that it would take too long so I haven't asked, but I don't fake it either. I'm getting really frustrated and resentful, especially having had my eyes opened by this board! Sex always feels a bit rushed and boring. It's always PIV and we've never (ever in 15 years, even pre kids) had a nice, long session where he just tries to give me pleasure. Similarly, he doesn't want me to give him a blowjob to completion (even though I would love to and have said several times that I want to) he just likes it as foreplay and then wants PIV. It's like we're ticking a box - sex done.
I have a great time by myself with my vibrator though!
So I obviously need to tell him, but I really don't know how to say it without upsetting him. It's not entirely his fault as I know I should have said something earlier and he's not a mind reader. I have been having lots of therapy to deal with childhood issues and I'm now feeling more assertive in myself and realizing I haven't been looking out for my own needs. But how to do it without making him feel terrible and putting him off completely?

@saleorbouy Yes, you are right. I never realised that other men made their partners come first before PIV before reading these boards.

omg that's like a whole standard approach, I think? Get her orgasm out of the way and then go for it??

In the nicest possible way. I mean they quite fairly think they can't just let themselves go straight away as may orgasm before (the seemingly slower, harder to predict) you, so best to restrain themselves, make sure you're ok, then look after themselves with no worries.

A bit like The Poseidon Adventure. Get the wife out first. Then hope you've got enough oxygen to make it to the grate.

That's how I've always presumed they are thinking?

Yours is just dipping out. Shove him gently into line. You need to speak up. I think although it might smart a bit to hear the truth, he needs to hear it so can change his game. At the moment he is literally shooting in the dark. ?

So I did it! A bit of a combo of just telling him I wasn't happy in our relationship and felt our sex life was in a major rut and think we should get couples therapy over a glass of wine and also telling him 'not yet' when we were getting down to it.

Things aren't perfect. I still didn't come and he didn't seem to notice but it's baby steps... tbh it was a big deal for me just to broach it in the first place after all this time. I will keep working on it. Thanks for all your help

@Parkerwhereareyou
Always used to aim for Silver