Not enough sex after giving birth?

[Wobblywombat]

I’m completely exhausted after giving birth to our second child. DC has never slept through the night and I am so tired I am 100% uninterested in sex. Even if I had energy and time, I’m not sure sex would be my priority.

DH has been patient, but after several months of very infrequent sex, he is upset. He got really angry after I fell asleep at 8pm on Saturday night.

What would you do? Has anyone been in the same situation?

He got angry?? How is that going to help you? I can't have any patience for men who 'get angry' about lack of sex.

It's not a fucking RIGHT. It's something that happens mutually...when conditions are favourable.

Does he help? How old is your baby now?

He does help a LOT. DC2 is nearly 6 months but has always been a terrible sleeper.

I do spend most of my time right now on trying to rebuild my career, DC1 - so what is left over for DH is limited.

Yes, that's how it IS when you've got babies! He needs to grow up and sorry for being rude, but he needs to sort himself out until you're less tired.

What does he want? For you to fake it? Or pretend you're not tired?

Bollocks to that. Tell him! Don't let him make you feel bad.

As a man I have to say he is being selfish. Just because he helps a lot doesn't give him the right to a bit of nookie as a reward. Whilst I understand his frustration, getting angry with your partner is not going to make them feel any more disposed to having sex. Sad to say that men are idiots a lot of the time.
Could you get the grandparents to have the children for a night so that you can have some quality time together. As long as he understands that you may prefer a good night's sleep to a night of unbridled passion.
Good luck, I hope you both work it out.

Thank you both for the replies - I agree he is being unreasonable and he needs to find a way of dealing with his disappointments without getting angry at me.
I think this will cause long term damage to the relationship but not much I can do at this point except try to avoid more arguments.

You can talk to him and make sure he understands that you're not a blow up doll who is there to fulfill his needs as and when he desires!

He is not ‘helping’. I can’t stand how when men do their fair share of sorting out their own children/doing housework in a house they also live in it’s seen as ‘helping’. He clearly isn’t doing enough if you’re this tired and he isn’t.

Angry? Tell him to sort himself out. It's exhausting with a newborn.

Erm... nope. We have 4 DC and a very active sex life but during this period he always said I was worth the wait.

Tell him to 🤬 off

With both my children, me and DH didn’t have sex for over a year.

The children, for lots of reasons killed my desire for sex. We are working on it now though and we try and have sex 1-2 times a week....but this is 7 years after the arrival of our first child.

During the past 7 years my husband has never once made me feel bad about how our sex was playing out because he understood and he was patient - just like they should be.

I get why after giving birth and being tired with kids that don't sleep sex isn't a priority. What is sad though is reading the many threads in relationships where this has happened and they have struggled to get back into it, and then the lack of intimacy causing relationship problems causing it to break down.

It is something I have kept in mind when we went through the small kids stage and sometimes made the effort despite not always feeling in the mood, but after loved the glow of the intimacy

@Namechanged1010

I get why after giving birth and being tired with kids that don't sleep sex isn't a priority. What is sad though is reading the many threads in relationships where this has happened and they have struggled to get back into it, and then the lack of intimacy causing relationship problems causing it to break down.

It is something I have kept in mind when we went through the small kids stage and sometimes made the effort despite not always feeling in the mood, but after loved the glow of the intimacy

Agree with this.

Sometimes making the effort is worth it for caring for your life partner and feeling close. If nighttime is too close to sleep then try in the day. I know so hard with a baby.

He sounds like has been trying hard but it's getting him down too. I understand you may not want eg to give him a bj because he may want sex and you don't. But it's not a good idea to give up on intimacy and abandon him. For lots of reasons.