Sex/depression

[mum241986]

So my dh got diagnosed with depression in December and we've not had sex since then....he said he just doesn't feel up to it. So Iv left him alone and not initiated sex. He said in my Valentine's card that tonight is the night but Mother Nature decided to show her ugly face😭 so we obviously didn't do anything....it's been 2 weeks since Valentine's Day and still nothing. Do I ask about sex or do I just wait until he mentions it again🤔 or shall I try and initiate it! I'm so confused Iv never been in this situation before and always had a good sex life.

Sorry to hear about the depression diagnosis.
Sex will be last thing on his mind right now, please do not ask about or mention it as will make the depression worse,you need to support your husband any way you can, exercise helps, if you can get outside together that’s a good start.
If you’re husband had been prescribed ADs , those can cause ED as well
Have a read of this about depression in men

www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-in-men.htm

And this about ED
www.nhs.uk/conditions/erection-problems-erectile-dysfunction/

Hopefully you partner will get over this episode soon as lock down lifts and sex will get back on track

My first question would be to ask whether he is taking any anti-depressant drugs, as they can have a notorious effect on libido.

@xpc316e

My first question would be to ask whether he is taking any anti-depressant drugs, as they can have a notorious effect on libido.

Yes he is,I know that can be a side effect but if he was initiating sex for Valentine's Day surly he wanted sex. I just don't know what to do,ask him for sex or just leave it to him to offer again

@mum241986 - "Mother nature showing her ugly face" didn't have to be a complete show stopper - depending on how badly it hits you, of course.

I'm not saying that what you are going through is at all easy for you - it isn't, and I realise that I'm making HUGE assumptions.. but think a little bit about he felt that night.

He'd obviously got himself all worked up for a little action, and (in his mind) you rejected him. It's no wonder he hasn't tried again since.

I agree with the PP's It's important to support him.

Personally, I think you need to talk to him.

Tell him you are missing your sex life, but understand the affect depression and the drugs are having on him.

Explain that you weren't just fobbing him off / rejecting him on Valentines night, but simply had your period.

Tell him that, thinking back, maybe you could have done other stuff. Maybe go into some detail - it might turn him on, and the talk could lead to other things!

Good luck!

[quote AverageGuy]@mum241986 - "Mother nature showing her ugly face" didn't have to be a complete show stopper - depending on how badly it hits you, of course.

I'm not saying that what you are going through is at all easy for you - it isn't, and I realise that I'm making HUGE assumptions.. but think a little bit about he felt that night.

He'd obviously got himself all worked up for a little action, and (in his mind) you rejected him. It's no wonder he hasn't tried again since.

I agree with the PP's It's important to support him.

Personally, I think you need to talk to him.

Tell him you are missing your sex life, but understand the affect depression and the drugs are having on him.

Explain that you weren't just fobbing him off / rejecting him on Valentines night, but simply had your period.

Tell him that, thinking back, maybe you could have done other stuff. Maybe go into some detail - it might turn him on, and the talk could lead to other things!

Good luck![/quote]
Thanks for that,you make a lot of sense. I didn't think about how he might of felt. I just felt like he was maybe glad that he didn't have to do the deed! I really need to speak to him

Even if he doesn't want sex, try to maintain some sort of physical intimacy. As someone who suffers from depression I can attest to the importance, to me, of a cuddle or a quick kiss. If you're out for a walk hold hands to keep up the habit of touching. Perhaps a cuddle in bed will lead to more but let it happen naturally.
I hope that you both manage to work through through this, good luck to both of you.

@GeorgeOhWell

Even if he doesn't want sex, try to maintain some sort of physical intimacy. As someone who suffers from depression I can attest to the importance, to me, of a cuddle or a quick kiss. If you're out for a walk hold hands to keep up the habit of touching. Perhaps a cuddle in bed will lead to more but let it happen naturally. I hope that you both manage to work through through this, good luck to both of you.

Great advice and thank you