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Sexless relationship in 20s

4 replies

Roberts25 · 19/02/2021 22:20

Im in my late 20s, hes in his late 30s, we've been together for around a year and a half. Have sex mabey once every 3 months, the last time it didnt last long and i got pretty annoyed. We have talked about it and the last time i pressed on it because its making me very insecure, he said its because hes gained weight and feels sluggish.
In the first few months of our relationship we were having sex a decent amount, not a lot mabey once a week or once every 2 weeks, but because im a rape victim it triggered me a lot and it was almost impossible to relax, my brain has finaly made the connection that im safe so its not nearly as bad as it was then and now his sex drive has plummeted. Ive gone from always being raped by my ex to now no sex.
I just want to feel good about myself.
I know hes not realising the extent of the effect it has on me and i know he feels bad because ive bought it up three times and i could tell it hurt him but im literally at this point where im tempted to get it from someone else.
Being unfaithful is not me, but this feeling of never being wanted is intense, i feel like the last time i felt wanted was actually in my late teens so 19. After that i was in an abusive relationship where i was raped a bunch of times to now in a healthy relationship but sexless.

Anyone want to suggest something or share an experience.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 19/02/2021 22:50

It sounds like he has erectile disfunction possibly due to gaining weight. I think you need to accept it’s not you, it’s him. Support him in losing the weight and indulge in being affectionate, foreplay etc without the pressure of penetrative sex.

Roberts25 · 19/02/2021 22:56

I dont think he has erctile disfunction its literally a case of him feeling embarrassed by his weight and no stamina.
Hes not very overweight, its just bigger than hes ever been and feels uncomfortable with it.
I have already suggested to workout together, he shut it down.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 19/02/2021 23:33

@Roberts25

I dont think he has erctile disfunction its literally a case of him feeling embarrassed by his weight and no stamina. Hes not very overweight, its just bigger than hes ever been and feels uncomfortable with it. I have already suggested to workout together, he shut it down.
If he’s bigger than he was he also won’t want to work out together. It’s a mental thing for him. And mental definitely affects physical performance. I was more thinking about meal planning/nutrition rather than the exercise side and like I said not pushing for sex but instead intimacy without the pressure to perform
Sunflowergirl1 · 20/02/2021 06:19

Frankly 18 months into a relationship you shouldn't be worrying about a problem like this....he should be sorting it out and otherwise consider moving on as otherwise several years in you really will struggle...just read the endless threads on MN of women feeling unloved etc as their partner isn't interested in them and they worry he is having an affair.

A lack of sex is corrosive to the well-being of a relationship

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