End of sex life due to pain

[PainAgain]

NC for this. A pelvic problem has turned into fairly awful chronic pain. I'm being proactive about treatment but recovery looks unlikely and medication hasn't helped much.

I can no longer have sex or use a vibrator without days of pain. I'm scared and grieving loss of intimacy and orgasms. For now, I'm allowing myself to become gently aroused to keep in touch with my sexual identity, but even that perpetuates pain.

I have one main partner and we're talking about ways to stay close but it's not the same. It's an open relationship and I have other lovers (not physically during the pandemic) but I know I will have to let them go. I can't see how I'll have the joy of forming new closeness again.

I can't find resources to help me cope with this - only guidance on loss of libido, whereas mine is very much alive. Any wise words would be welcome.

@PainAgain
How awful for you - have a hug and some

No words of advice, as I have no idea what you must be going through.

What does your doctor say? Is it worth getting a second opinion, even perhaps a private consultation?

Not the same as PIV, but what's your view on Anal sex? Does that cause as much pain? I'm guessing it will / does.

I experienced something similar with my (ex) wife. She had had a hernia op some years before we met and having an orgasm would cause her serious pain due to the mesh that had been used at the time of her op.

Have you have anything like this that could have caused the issue?

This was not the reason that we have seperated.

Thank you both. The pain began following a mild UTI. I'm seeking private treatment rather than waiting for the NHS but the outlook seems to be management rather than recovery. All activity causes pain, unfortunately. Thanks for your good wishes.

@PainAgain I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling with this. It would certainly be worth investigating the pain with a Dr/GP/ Specialist. You have probably tried the usual pain relief but has your Dr looked at something like Amitriptyline with you? Be persistent when discussing your concerns as sometimes just finding the right Dr/Specialist can make all the difference. Good luck.

I was going to suggest amitriptyline - is it interstitial cystitis OP? I have this alongside endometriosis and adenomyosis but it’s far better than it was years ago.

Pudendal nerve pain? Could you be in perimeno?