He didn’t bat a eyelid at the lingerie

[Alexandra2018]

So dressed up in what I thought was a nice underwear set heels and everything. Walked in to show him... he said I’m just watching this it’s got 20 mins left ok? Walked out embarrassed burning hot... ladies ...

Was this a Valentine's day thing? To be honest, I don't hold with the idea of suddenly rolling out the red sex carpet on V Day. It's too much pressure.

What's he usually like? How's your sex life in general?

Yes Valentine’s Day night! Erm it’s ok could be better if we made the effort but now I feel shit!

Effort needs to come from both sides...so if you completely surprised him he might have felt shocked or not ready.

Have you discussed sex together? Tried to work out what will make it better?

That's actually very sad. I'm sorry that happened to you. Xx.

Had you planned the evening or was it a surprise? I always think it's best to give a bit of a heads up just so both parties can get in the right headspace. But a "Get yourself in the shower, I have a surprise for you" is usually sufficient.

Of course you're upset and embarrassed. You've made an effort and he's just rejected you. I'm cross for you!

Have you spoken about it? Told him how you're feeling? Asked him why he didn't jump your bones immediately?

Oh dear,
That sounds a bit disappointing,
As pp says, maybe a bit of heads up so he can be more “ready”

This is my worry with lingerie. My DH never really tells me what he wants or shows much interest in anything.
Recently I let him see me putting it on when I got dressed in the morning. It was less pressure for me and also let the tension build during the day, so it ended up working well.
I feel your pain though...

Nothing was planned I don’t know how he felt I didn’t even look at him after that I was like oh ... tried to float off unbothered 🤷🏻‍♀️ If I said anything I know I’d have got upset and shouted.

On one hand I totally get why you're feeling embarrassed and rejected..but also, he may have just not been in the mood and have been shocked, I dont always feel in the mood for sex, I often need warming up a bit and I think it's wrong for us to expect men to always be horny at the drop of a hat. Did you speak about it with him afterwards?

In future like a pp said I'd probably hint at him you were 'up for it' maybe tell him you've got some nice underwear to wear later..or something like that

I don't buy the 'it might have been bad timing, he just wasn't in the mood explanation'.

Even if you're not in the mood, or surprised by it you don't respond with indifference. You don't dismiss.

This is a relationship in which you should trust that you're treated with respect and love. And you absolutely shouldn't expect an argument if you voice that his reaction upset you.

I'm not saying he should have been instantly up for it, but a positive reaction and a 'come here and cuddle for a bit' wouldn't have been a stretch while he did get in the mood, and finish his tv programme.

I think you need to have an open conversation with him about how cherished, desired and loved you feel. If your libido are out of sync atm, you can work with that but you need mutual respect and communication to do so, so that neither of you feels pressured or dismissed.