Loss of sex drive

[Avelandra]

Wasn’t really sure where to post this so this seemed the most appropriate place! Have been with DP nearly 5 years now. For the first few years we had a great sex life, but around 2 years ago sex became really painful and I’d bleed after. I’ve had various different gynae appts and have been diagnosed with fibroids and PCOS but nobody could find any cause for the pain so they put it down to vaginismus and haven’t given much help. I’m waiting for a psycho-sexual referral, but was referred 6 months ago and nothing so far.

The thing is, I’ve completely lost all interest in it. I am still attracted to DP, we have a great relationship, and it’s not like the thought of sex with other people but not him appeals to me either. I just don’t want it, even any kind of foreplay. I’m starting to feel really sorry for him, he has been so patient and understanding, but I know he misses the intimacy. I do too, but just don’t know how to get any kind of desire back again? Hoping someone might be able to advise!

Bless you OP, sounds like a really working situation. Do you have any kind of sexual relationship at all? Perhaps look to build your intimacy in your relationship firstly, spend time together away from everything else, be comfortable naked in front of each other. Massage and touch is a good place to start without the pressure of sex. The more you do it the more you will relax and hopefully your confidence will grow x

OP I’ve been in the same situation myself for years, triggered by a hormonal treatment for endometriosis a long time ago - I came off it but my sex drive never properly came back. It comes and goes now but if I take any kind of hormonal contraception it’s gone again (which is shit when you have endometriosis and are in terrible pain).

There are two possibilities - you’ve associated it with pain so you don’t want it, or there’s some kind of imbalance going on somewhere.

I would ask for blood tests - thyroid, hormones, vitamin and mineral levels. Unbelievably the thing that’s made the most difference to me is folic acid. A blood test showed up a significant deficiency and taking 5mg switched my sex drive back on for a while. I was surprised and then found studies linking folate deficiency to loss of sex drive in men but nothing about women which is why I had never found it in my years of hunting for answers.

For me it’s like the sexual part of my brain has been cut out - I don’t think about sex, I don’t get aroused by anything, I’m dead from the waist down. Even the thought of any kind of physical intimacy makes me feel ill. I always know when it has come back as I will start having sensations down below and it’s a bit of a shock! It’s just come back today after being mostly gone for the last year (thanks to the pill). I had one day of sex drive last cycle - hoping for more this month.

I wish I knew the answer but doctors don’t give a toss. I do know my oestrogen is low but just in normal range but otherwise nothing to explain it.