Restarting intimacy

[maximum51]

DH and I haven't had sex for 3 years. Many reasons, my early menopause at 41, both overweight and ED. Coupled with family life, all in all not a good recipe for intimacy.

I'm over menopause and have been for some time trying to gently revive things and we've had many discussions about it. Have both lost weight and feeling better about ourselves. DH has always used a lot of porn and just doesn't seem to be at all interested in me. He says he fancies me and I look great etc, but I just don't think he does really. We've started with massages which happened a few times and he seem to enjoy it, but have been turned down the last two times I suggested, as he didn't feel like it, with no mention of it since.

I am about to give up, my self esteem is so low. He prefers porn to me. Any ideas? I did suggest counselling but I am not sure if it would help. It's such a shame as our relationship is so good in every other sense.

Don't give up maximum51. A few years ago DH and I went to relate due to lack of intimacy in our relationship and they were brilliant it got us back on track. Good luck.

Sorry to hear this.
Restarting intimacy after a break is tricky, but is sounds like you are on the right path
You mentioned ED, is your partner still suffering from this?, as he may be afraid of ‘failure’, which is quite a difficult to deal with for men mentally as we see it as personal failure. ( have you considered viagra if he cannot physically maintain an erection )

I can only suggest you keep the dialogue open and keep trying to physically get close (do you cuddle in bed), and hopefully things will improve naturally

Have been in a similar place.

I think one question to ask is what sorts of things turn each of you on, and whether you’re both willing to do those sorts of things for each other. For instance, even if he’s reoccupied with porn (which isn’t that surprising if you haven’t been intimate together for a while), you could suggest watching some together?

Thanks for your replies very helpful
Re ED i know this is awful for men and he has got viagra before.
I think we need a try and be open with each other and take is slowly.