Low sex drive

[user1122]

So we have been in a loving relationship for 15 years , sex has always been good , last year or so my sex drive seems to be a lot higher than his , I feel like I constantly chase him for it , it’s got to the point where it’s really knocking my self esteem like why does he not want me anymore, It’s starting to get me down a lot , Iv tried loads of things to spice things up and he seems to like it but then that’s it things just go back to normal, I’m a very affectionate person I need it , him not so much, what’s going on

I have the same, I think women can get hornier as they hit late 30s 40s but men may dip a bit.

How do we deal with it ? Am I being selfish, I can’t see myself in a sexless life from now on 🙁🙁

@user1122
You don't say how old your oh is, but men's testosterone levels start to drop at about 35, and this can have an effect on their sex drive. Get to my age (nearly 60), and it can disappear completely. Fortunately, I haven't had that issue.

There is also ED. Viagra can definitely help here, and it's available over the counter.

I would say that you need to talk to him. Maybe there is stuff going on in his head (Lockdown has been really hard for some peoples mental health) that means he isn't thinking about you like he should.

I’m 32 and he’s 35 I feel like we are still so young to be feeling this way , I do speak to him about it he just tells me he does love me there’s no problem

@user1122
It's great that he loves you, but there obviously is a problem.

He is young to have lost his sex drive. I definitely had no issues at 35!
Equally, you are far to young to have a sexless relationship.

I think you need to probe deeper. How has he been through lockdown?

Do you have kids? If not, turn the TV off, and really talk to him - tell him, as calmly as you can manage, that you love him, but that you are concerned about your sex life. (This is tough by the way!)

Tell him you still fancy him, still want him, but you feel that maybe he doesn't feel the same? Explain why.

Do your best not to get angry, upset, or judgmental. Stay calm, listen to what he has to say, and try not to rush into any silences.

Don't be put of by generalities, or off hand comments, push (gently!) for detail.

You both need to communicate - it's not a one way street. If he can't talk to you, would he talk to a counselor?

We are going to have a proper talk tonight, he deals with lockdown and stuff in general pretty well , he’s quite chilled so I don’t think it’s that he’s stressed or worried , I just think he’s settled in life and quite content and in all other aspects of our life I am too , but sex and affection is something I need and want , I am definitely not willing to just accept that’s how it is , the thought makes me want to cry , I honestly can’t imagine my life without him

@user1122 - good for you! Fingers crossed!

Come back, and tell us how it went.

@user1122

How do we deal with it ? Am I being selfish, I can’t see myself in a sexless life from now on 🙁🙁

Always best to talk about it but let's hope if you stay together he doesn't have the same thoughts when you go through the Menopause and lose your sex drive... (not always the case but putting it into perspective)