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Man questions

13 replies

Danceswithwhippets · 09/01/2021 15:57

Feller here, a couple of questions. I’m thinking of returning to the world of dating sites after the end of a long relationship (I’m in my 60s) -what’s it like out there generally (I’m assuming it might be less pressured, face to face meeting not being possible for some time)? and what are the best sites? Secondly -and this is why I’m posting here- my last relationship, and the one before that, were with women who had not had sex for some time and they were surprised to have a degree of vaginismus at first. We older men can have our own very obvious problems! is vaginismus a thing with ladies generally, or is it related to age/not having had sex for some time?

OP posts:
MrsFluffyMuff · 09/01/2021 16:56

A degree of vaginismus? As far as I'm aware it's a debilitating condition making penetration almost impossible, not to mention incredibly painful. It's not just being a bit tighter because you haven't had sex for a while. It's not a 'thing' with ladies generally, no. It's a serious medical condition a few unlucky women have to suffer with.

mooncats · 09/01/2021 17:13

You might be best off asking other men

AverageGuy · 10/01/2021 01:01

@Danceswithwhippets
I'm 58, and have been On-line dating for a couple of years. I'm on most of the free dating apps. In my opinion, there isn't one that's outstanding from the rest.

Right now, (perhaps obviously), no one is meeting - although you are allowed to meet one other person for exercise... Grin

You could do an outdoor meet and have a socially distanced walk or something.

I'd suggest that your main issues will be 1) finding matches, and 2) women that assume you are ready for retirement, and stuck in your ways.

Original poster
Danceswithwhippets · 10/01/2021 06:19

You're right, "degree" is not accurate. One partner described it as a blockage and in both cases penetration was not possible. One partner was very sexually experienced in terms of number of partners, the other not so (widowed after a long marriage) but both had not had sex for years. Both were post-menopausal. Both were baffled and angry with their bodies. But the good news was that treatment was drama-free and quick, cream (estrogen perhaps?) taking a couple of weeks. In the meanwhile we got on with doing other things, and also in both cases when the problem was gone we went on to have good sexual relationships. Both were multi-orgasmic, and I assume they'd been so in their past lives.

OP posts:
Original poster
Danceswithwhippets · 10/01/2021 06:23

@Averageguy Are there any sites which are fully free? the ones I've looked at seem to be free to join, but you always have to pay to msg people or read msgs from them to you.

OP posts:
AverageGuy · 10/01/2021 17:33

@Danceswithwhippets
Tinder, PoF, Blendr, bumble and OK cupid are all free to join, and it costs nothing to message a match.

EssenceAbsolue · 10/01/2021 18:12

If you're looking for fwb kind of arrangement, I would recommend an app called Feeld. It's free and you can chat with people you matched with

Original poster
Danceswithwhippets · 10/01/2021 20:19

@EssenceAbsolue @AverageGuy Thank you for the input. I was actually thinking of standard dating sites rather than hookup sites -where men greatly outnumber women so men struggle to get attention, and where my age would be against me- although in the past I have had success on IE. And I'm quite selective (isn't everyone?!) and I find highly intelligent women attractive, sapiosexual I suppose. But I wouldn't say no to a fwb, they have their advantages.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2021 18:20

@MrsFluffyMuff

A degree of vaginismus? As far as I'm aware it's a debilitating condition making penetration almost impossible, not to mention incredibly painful. It's not just being a bit tighter because you haven't had sex for a while. It's not a 'thing' with ladies generally, no. It's a serious medical condition a few unlucky women have to suffer with.
I'm not sure I agree with that. I think you can have varying degrees of it and you can have it all the time or only sometimes. Some women can't use tampons, others can, etc.
Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2021 18:21

"Both were post-menopausal. Both were baffled and angry with their bodies. But the good news was that treatment was drama-free and quick, cream (estrogen perhaps?) taking a couple of weeks."

Atrophy then?

TitInATrance · 09/02/2021 23:37

I’m 61. Not had much success with POF where many of the men my age are married, desperate or uneducated, or some combination. I can’t speak for the women but I tend to despair and freeze my profile after a week or so.

Match has much nicer people and costs peanuts in the grand scheme of things. Plenty of scammers, but they are promptly dealt with. In the current climate proximity counts for a lot so I’ve gone for the most popular sites.

Skysblue · 19/02/2021 17:13

OP I think you mean vaginal atrophy (not vaginimus) and that’s very common in older women sadly particularly if they’ve been celibate for a while.

Roberts25 · 19/02/2021 22:47

Tinder :) free good luck

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