Sex. Those were the days!

[BeanieRoo]

My partner and I have been together nearly 3.5 years. Until I fell pregnant we had, what I would consider, a fantastic sex life. This was even as a mum already to a 5 y/o daughter. However, since I fell pregnant with his first child, sex has tapered off to nothing. In the third trimester I put it down to me being tired and uncomfortable but even when I was in the mood it hardly ever happened. Now, nearly 8 weeks after having my son, my partner just doesn't seem remotely interested. It's like he's changed into a completely different person. He seems to have no sex drive and I feel like he doesn't desire me at all. I feel fat and frumpy after being pregnant and worry that he no longer finds me attractive or sees me as a sexual being. After experiencing the best sex life and thinking I'd found someone perfectly matched to me, I now wonder who this person i share my house with is and whether they'll ever be the person i fell in love with again. I've asked him about what's happened to our sex life but he just keeps saying it'll get back on track (he's said that now for nearly 6 months!) but I fear we're so far from the track we'll never find it again...

Em I assume your baby isn’t perfect sleeper, you aren’t a stepford wife meaning he helps with night time and nappies etc. It’s totally normal then that sex reduces in the early months. Also some people don’t have sex when pregnant at all. Once your baby has been around longer, sleeps through consistently then you can start initiating things and hopefully it will come back. Did in my case anyway and if anything I’d say although there was a lengthy dry spell it’s better than before. And I’m anything but a skinny mini trophy wife!

I know it's normal for sex lives to be affected but I think it's just the comparison to what we had before to what we have now. Also, with my ex, although our sex life wasn't as wild, we were back into the swing of things pretty soon, even with the sleepless nights. Think I'm just shocked and frustrated. I know many women don't feel ready and worry that they might be pestered into sex by their partners but mine doesn't seem to even remember that such a thing as sex exists or that I may be keen

I think you ought to find out about the hormone prolactin in men. Nature has designed (most of) us to not feel like sex after the birth of a child in order to give it the best chance of survival.

It is quite normal for a man to not want sex after his partner has had a baby.

Yes, there was a BBC radio programme some while back about how hormonal changes reduce male sex drive in early fatherhood. It isn't true that all men are naturally ready to get back 'on the job' straight away.