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Overwhelming sex

15 replies

Odiona · 01/01/2021 12:34

I met a man few months ago. Our relationship is very sexual. At the beginning I liked it (first few times). He is very rough in sex and I thought I am the same. We do a lot of deep throat, anal, light spanking... and he usually wakes me up during night few times to have more. I didn’t mind first few nights, but I’m finding myself overwhelmed when he is coming over (or going to his). I also keep ending up with injuries (first time infection, second time ripped skin under my tongue, third time pain in my bum area). I had conversation with him if we can slow down many times. I also said that maybe we can date without sex for a little bit, but it didn’t happen. I sometimes tell him “no” during the sex and he still pushes me into it (I give in). Otherwise he is great. We have lot of in common, he is really interested in me, brings me presents all the time, flowers etc. Not sure if you have any advice ?! I almost feel abused in the bedroom (but because we agreed on rough sex prior I feel responsible)

OP posts:
Odiona · 01/01/2021 12:38

Also to add - some parts of the sex I absolutely love and cum so much I never experienced before, but I really suffer 40% of it and wish we could stop

OP posts:
SleepyRoo · 01/01/2021 13:54

You say:
You don't like it
You get injured
It feels abusive
You say no and he does it anyway
Nothing about him communicating with you regarding what works/what doesn't.

End this, it's abuse.

Lozzerbmc · 01/01/2021 15:37

So he pushes you into sex when you dont want it, you feel abused, but otherwise he’s great!? Where is his respect for you?

LouJ85 · 01/01/2021 17:18

I sometimes tell him “no” during the sex and he still pushes me into it (I give in).

This is not ok. "No" should be stop, end of.

LouJ85 · 01/01/2021 17:19

I almost feel abused in the bedroom (but because we agreed on rough sex prior I feel responsible)

You're entitled to change your mind. You can agree anything and then say "no I've changed my mind, please stop". You haven't signed up to rough sex forevermore just because you agreed initially - consent is dynamic, not static. You're allowed to withdraw it after giving it.

wideskies · 01/01/2021 17:21

So many red flags - he doesn't take what you're saying Into account, he's injured you, you're suffering during sex and this is early days - this is a bad and dangerous situation, get out of this relationship ASAP OP.

Justcashnosweets · 01/01/2021 18:41

Sit him down and have a serious talk with him OP. None of this is ok. Especially the fact that you are saying 'no' and he pushes you into it. If nothing changes after you talk to him, and be completely honest and direct with him, then you should end the relationship. How many more injuries do you want after sex??

mooncats · 01/01/2021 19:49

Wouldn't bother with a serious talk if he struggles to grasp what 'no' means . Please respect yourself enough to take a stand against painful sex that you're not enjoying .

GentlemanJay · 01/01/2021 21:47

You need a long chat. Emphasise the good and the bad bits.

BeBraveAndBeKind · 02/01/2021 09:15

You've said no, you've said that you want to slow down and date without sex and that's fallen on deaf ears so talking about it further sounds like it would be a waste of time. He has no respect for your wishes.

Buying gifts and flowers is an easy way to make you think that he's a nice, caring person but the fact that he ignores your withdrawal of consent shows that he is not and you don't need to put up with being treated like that.

Shunter350 · 02/01/2021 20:27

No, no, no.. he’s abusive. Get rid. Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear.

CoachCarter · 03/01/2021 06:10

Writing from a male point of view, this is one of the most worrying posts I've read for a long time. This guy is abusing you and using you for his own pleasure with no regard to you. Please get away from this individual and block him. This abuse will only get worse and worse.

PinotPony · 03/01/2021 09:32

So many red flags in this post. A partner who doesn't listen to you and respect your limits and boundaries is bad news.

Yes, you originally consented to rough sex. That doesn't mean that you set a precedent for every time you have sex with this guy. You're entitled to change your mind. It's not unusual for the dynamic in a sexual relationship to change depending on your headspace and how you're feeling at that moment. Sometimes you might want it rough, other times you don't, and that's perfectly ok. A decent partner would adjust his behaviour accordingly.

I'd be inclined to get well rid of this man, as he is coercing you into doing things you don't like. Over a period of time, that'll wreck your confidence and self esteem.

If you do want to continue seeing him, you need to have a very blunt conversation about it, not during sex but well beforehand. Spell out that any kind of play which leaves you injured or in pain afterwards is a hard limit and is off the table. If he can't agree to that, and keeps treating you like this, it's time to part company.

MisterT373 · 03/01/2021 14:10

The fact you are here and asking for opinion shows to an extent that you know there is something wrong.

You can find great sex somewhere else without the pain and abuse. Walk away.

bumhead · 03/01/2021 18:53

This man isn't good for you, he isn't treating you with any respect. You shouldn't 'give in'. You have said no. He should respect that.

Please ditch him x

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