Anyone with a Dom/sub relationship?

[Wantsadvice1978909]

I’ve always been turned on by the thought of being submissive (only in the bedroom!) and I was wondering if anyone does this? What sort of things you do etc.

I'm not sure describing being a bit submissive in the bedroom would be classed as a Dom/sub relationship but yes, sometimes when in bed I like being submissive and DH dominating me and telling me what to do or him just doing it to me. Make sure you have a safe word to stop it if not comfortable

My partner and I have a low-key DS relationship inside the bedroom; outside of it we are absolutely equal. We mainly indulge in restraint with cuffs, collars, and belts. Most of our kit has been custom made in leather by me, and making it is a lot of fun. While she enjoys the restraint, she does not like pain and therefore is not into spanking.

We do have a superb heavyweight suede flogger that gives no pain when it strikes, but it does provide a real thud. We both like that, as it is almost like a relaxing massage. To be honest, that was an effect that surprised both of us.

I have begun to switch and have an appreciation of the endorphins released by more serious impact play. To my surprise I have found I quite enjoy being given a (mild) thrashing.

May I ask where you are based? If it is anywhere near London, or Birmingham, then there are monthly alternative markets (not in lockdown, of course). There are loads of stalls with excellent BDSM equipment, and I am sure that a wander around will whet your appetite for all sorts of exploration.

I can also thoroughly recommend a book called BDSM - A Guide For Explorers Of Extreme Eroticism. It covers the whole spectrum and there will be things that might shock you, but it will give you a very wide understanding of DS.

I wish you and your partner a lot of fun in your exploration.

Only in the bedroom here too, slowly exploring this side of my sexuality. I really enjoy being dominated and restraints etc. We tried spanking recently and I found it a massive turn on! I admit my latest purchase is a leather collar and I can’t wait to wear it during play.

I have a Dom partner who I see once a month (covid restrictions permitting).

He has a St. Andrew's Cross and a bench so there's lots of restraint. Sometimes some lovely shibari rope which I find really sensual, sometimes chains with a collar and cuffs.

I like impact play so he'll use whips, paddles, floggers and canes. I've broken a few! We also use light estim toys but that's more to do with the psychology of a threat than the actual pain of a shock.

Often he'll use toys on me whilst I'm tied up... typically the doxy wand... edging, orgasm denial or forced orgasms.

Pegs and clamps are fun. Recently had nipple clamps with bells which I wasn't allowed to jingle! I failed at keeping still. 😂

He loves butt play so there's a fair amount of disrespectful behaviour there which makes me squirm as I find it a bit humiliating. I pass on the giant butt plugs! 😳

We're talking about breath play which I'm curious about but very aware of the risks so need to take it slowly and think it through.

I'm always sending him ideas for new predicament play. Want to try lying on my back with nipple clamps affixed through a ceiling hard point and tied to my toes. See how strong my abs are! 💪🏻

We've also talked a lot about CNC. Again, this is something we're building up to very, very slowly.

I trust him explicitly with my body and my mind. There's very clear and honest communication between us. He frequently checks in during play to make sure I'm ok to continue. We use safe words and I absolutely won't do anything I'm not comfortable with. I recently vetoed the suggestion of a speculum being used. I've had 2 kids - nobody but my gynaecologist needs to see inside me!

Aftercare is so incredibly important. Lots of strokes and cuddles afterwards. A nice meal and a debrief. Then he'll follow up via text to check I'm not dropping too badly. I'm careful about his mental state too... that he doesn't feel bad for all the mean things he's done.

There's lots of guys out there masquerading as Doms. I count myself lucky to have found someone who genuinely cares about me.

Yes with (a brilliant and genuinely good friend) FWB but in a 'traditional' relationship the line is blurred and I think it would be hard to separate the dom displaying an attitude of dominance in everyday life. That's why I've never pursued that dynamic in my long term relationships.