Nobody else can bring me to orgasm - tips please?

[MoiraRosesWig]

Hi all,

I've been with my DH for over a decade and we have a great sex life. The only problem is I can only orgasm while manually clitorally stimulating myself, even during PIV sex. It's great, because I can always time it so we orgasm simultaneously, but I really want him to be able to make me cum without any input from me. Nobody has ever been able to make me cum except myself.

We've tried different things - a Hitachi magic wand, being told exactly what to do with his hand, etc., But there's just this mental block where I can't relax and just accept pleasure, especially without giving it simultaneously.

Does anyone else have this problem? Has anyone got over it?

I've ordered a satisfyer because it sounds like it might be powerful enough for DH to make me come effectively without giving me that over-stimulated uncomfortable feeling that the magic wand does.

Any advice gratefully received!

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similar , I have a satisfyer whici I hold in position and DH often inserts a finger of two and stimulates my G SPOT , my oh my I cum and cum big time , he then tends to fuck me which is still very pleasurable or I suck him to completion .
enjoy it seems like twice the fun to me .

Can you orgasm during oral?

Life is not like we see in porn films and you are no different from the vast majority of women. Most women do not orgasm from PIV sex; they need manual stimulation of the clitoris, whether that is done by themselves, or a partner, does not make much of a difference really.

There are quite a few women who do not orgasm at all during sex, so in some ways you are fortunate. That does not help when you want the earth-shattering orgasms that we see some women having as soon as they get within a couple of feet of a cock. In the real world, such women are very thin on the ground, and you are absolutely normal in your sexual responses.

I am like that too. I really enjoy sex, but actually i can only come when I am alone. I think I am too self conscious. I don't really care though. I really enjoy the intimacy of sex, the whole experience, the journey. I don't have a partner at the moment anyway so it makes no difference.

I’d be interesting to know the oral answer to.

Aside from that as Ralph Mctell once said “Let me take you by the hand and take you through...”

But aside from thst l wouldn’t worry so much. We are each responsible for our own orgasms. You understand your own body’s workings and can climax while being held. Life’s not so bad.

Thanks all. We've only tried oral on me a few times - I don't think my OH enjoys it so obviously I can't relax with it. Shame!

You've put it in perspective though - you're right, I'd been too hung up on how sex is portrayed in the media and not actually thinking how lucky I really am. Maybe the satisfyer will help - if not, I'm sure I will get plenty of use out of it on my own! :)

...and communicate. Sort out the oral thing and l think that will work for you, either way, you’ll never look back. Shower first, give directions from above and enjoy.

With one partner we would wait until she made herself cum with a vibrator either on clit or a dildo and as she was orgasming I would enter her and fuck hard to continue the waves of pleasure. Inevitably she would orgasm again.

After 32 years of never having an orgasm with someone else in the room, I finally managed to. I had to learn a new technique in my own case; I'd always just rubbed against a surface, which nobody else could recreate.

I started with a bullet - the first time it actually worked it took 45 minutes to get there - the time before that I eventually gave up at 75 minutes. Then I tried with my fingers, and at this point I became a member at omgyes which was helpful - eventually got there which was amazing. At that point I had an extremely lively sex life and just found someone with good confidence at the right moment who I didn't give a crap about, so I felt ok just ordering them about repeatedly until they did what I needed, and was willing to do so. After that, it's happened with every single partner who will take a bit of instruction (only when they touch me though, never from PIV or oral).

The key, the centre, the most important thing - what gets you aroused? That's what you need. Forget all instructions to 'relax'. You don't relax. You need to be tense, frustrated, driven, wet. Try lube and lots of it. I use literotica too - I feel as if written porn is more ethical and it's hotter for me anyway

This is going to read like something I personally would have found very annoying as an answer, but I have found to be completely accurate for me - you don't need different machines or toys, arousal and climax are far more influenced by your mind than the physical stimulation. Don't get me wrong - physical is important, but it was a game changer for me to think about how my partner approached me differently. I was in your situation for years, relying on my own stimulation to get me to come during sex. It felt frustrating to be honest as I wanted to come from my DH stimulating me but he couldn't seem to match my technique. Then, I can't really remember what sparked the change, I stopped touching myself during sex and when my DH touched me I focused on opening my body up to him, focused on how it made me feel and instead of trying to control it, really allowing myself to feel the sensations. I found I got a lot wetter through this and that turned me on, and also that instead of just my clit feeling turned on, the whole of my vagina seems to respond. It's made sex a million times more pleasurable to stop focusing on getting him to replicate what I would do to myself and instead focus intently on my body's reaction to him touching me. Hope that's some use!

I wonder if use of stimulating devices can become a little addictive and with their continued use, you become desensitised and then need them to orgasm?

@Arnoldthecat

I wonder if use of stimulating devices can become a little addictive and with their continued use, you become desensitised and then need them to orgasm?

It's the female equivalent of death grip.

I’ve been using vibes regularly, since my teens, my first one was a secret Christmas present from my sister, l’m in my 40s now, and no evidence of being de-sensitised at all.

Addictive - I guess it can happen but not for me. I now have 3 different ways of orgasm - by a vibrator, which usually is a very pleasurable buildup but a rather sudden and almost painful orgasm, by my fingers which can take a while but the orgasm is lovely, or by my partner which has become really amazing - I get a lot more aroused for longer in the buildup and the orgasm is longer and more intense. I'd never experienced that before.