Struggling with porn use

[debbs77]

I discovered last night that my partner has been masturbating again to porn. We had a huge issue previously as I discovered he was doing it, and while I totally understand he has the right to do whatever he wants with his own body, the content of the videos disturbed me.

I found out that he is doing it again (likely never stopped) and I feel so hurt. He can only be doing it once I'm asleep. We had a baby a few weeks back and are both often tired, but I thought we had a good sex life.

He never accepts my advances and I changed how I am with him due to this. He knows this.

I feel hurt

So leave 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's not always as easy as that cosmicbabe, especially when there's a tiny baby that needs looking after.

How would you feel about leaving, debbs - is it feasible for you? It does sound as though he has no intention of changing, and no regard for the impact his disgusting behaviour is having on you...

No it isn't just that easy our lives are so intertwined, I have other children who adore him, he has a daughter I adore and they all love each other.

That does sound difficult. What about you: do you love him? If the children weren't there, would you leave?

You don't like him watching porn, he likes watching porn despite you telling him how it makes you feel.
You won't leave if he won't change so there isn't anything you can do except ignore it.

If you won't leave you have to learn to change your reaction to it and not worry about it and stop checking the tablet.
Disable the thing that links his phone with the tablet so you don't keep checking.

Its the fact that he’s done it again knowing you are unhappy about it. Its the trust thats broken isnt it. Porn is the killer of love…
My DP uses porn a lot and I suggested if he didnt it would help us, but he didnt say anything. We havent had sex for years. Its utterly demoralising.

Not sure if this will help or not but...

My DH was the same as this for a while, we've been together since mid-teens and our sex life has varied drastically over the last 20 years.
DH has always watched porn to an extent and I've always disliked it, which he knows and we've discussed several times.

We've had 3 DC and I did find that in the 6 months or so postnatally his porn use rocketed each time. I was hurt and felt a bit useless, but equally I understood that it's a strange time and I was not really available to him as a partner in the same way as other times (not just sexually). Really it was a matter of me adjusting my thinking as to whether this was a deal breaker, or behaviour that I don't like but is not the end of the world. By all other accounts he is a wonderful husband and father.

Our youngest DC is now 3 and I haven't really given it a thought for a long time. I have enough going on in life. I strongly disagree with porn on many levels, but I don't want it to cost me my relationship. I don't check his phone. We have a great sex life and family life, and my view is that I'm not perfect, he's not perfect but we're happy together.

I hope none of that sounds patronising or light hearted. It's been a long old road for me to get here, and I totally understand how you feel.

Thank you. I really don't want our family to fall apart. I don't think he can change, no matter how much he tries. So it will be a case of mh changing my reactions to it i guess. We have too much to lose