When your partner has a fetish

[Amazinggrace44]

I've NC for this for obvious reasons.

My partner is into WAM (wet and messy) otherwise known as sploshing. He wasn't upfront about this with me when we got together. It was almost a year before I discovered his internet history and we discussed it. He was quite embarrassed and said he thought I would find it weird. I can't lie, I do.

Since then we have never tried it but I have watched videos with him and done stuff while he watches iyswim personally I find it quite ridiculous. Women prancing about covered in slime and baked beans just doesn't do it for me but he seems to find it really sexy.

I know he watches videos alone and my concern is that our sex life isn't spontaneous or particularly regular. Maybe once or twice a month and he usually has to take a viagra beforehand. It's good and enjoyable when it happens but I can't shake off the thought that his true sexuality and desire lies within this fetish. And if I don't engage more am I somehow damaging our sex life? I'm open minded but I can't make myself find this erotic. I wonder if anyone else has any experience with this particular thing?

Bump

I did meet someone who was into this, and it's not as unusual as you might think. I didn't meet up with this person in the end, but there was a moment when I thought Why not? Sounds rather fun. If you felt comfortable, you could experiment and have fun with squirty cream or melted chocolate. Even if you're not into it yourself, I'm not, but as fetishes go, it's pretty harmless.

I think it's healthy that he shared it with you but equally healthy that you are able to say no thank you.
I have shared fantasies with my partner knowing full well we wouldn't carry them out.
It doesn't mean I'm disappointed with our sex life. Far from it.

It's just that our sex life isn't particularly regular. In the past he's claimed low libido but I think it's probably more to do with the fact that this fetish is where his true sexuality lies and he struggles to get turned on as much by 'normal' sex with me.

It's not that I'm disgusted by it and I'm open minded enough to give it a go (god knows how or where, so much mess!!!) as I know it's important to him. He hasn't made me feel pressured or anything like that. I just don't even know how I'd go about doing it...it's all very alien to me.

OP if it doesn't turn you on you shouldn't do it. Please don't feel like you have to accomodate some one else's desires at the expense of your own enjoyment of sex. I wouldn't judge someone with this fetish but I know that it would bring me absolutely no sexual pleasure so I would not participate in it.

You don't need to feel like your sex life is lacking because you are not enacting scenes from your guy's favourite porn. Women often internalise the fact that men can't keep it up/stay turned on as their own failings when in actual fact it is down to real sex seeming too 'vanilla' to guys because they've been watching too much porn. Don't internalise it, you don't need to talk yourself into doing anything! And if he is struggling to keep it up that is on him, not you, and it is he who should be taking steps to rectify the situation and improve your sex life.

Of course, one should not perform a sexual act if you get nothing from it and are doing it just because a partner desires it.

But, and it's a huge BUT, I do things because I enjoy giving pleasure to my partner and I am not selfish. For example, the actual act of performing cunnilingus in and of itself is not in any way enjoyable: the view is awful, it gives me jaw & neck ache, and in taste comparisons a minge has never yet beaten a chocolate biscuit. However, I adore going down on my partner because of the pleasure it gives her and the reactions I get from her. Who does not like being the person to make someone else writhe with joy?

So, for me it is about the 3 Gs. Be Good, be Game, be Giving - don't do anything you actively do not want to, but as long as it does not harm you either mentally, or physically, do give it a go.

Keep your own side of the street clean and you might just be surprised by what someone else might do for you.

The last poster is 100% correct. Sex is about giving and it’s doesn’t have to be every time!

My partner loves my trifle tits. Cream and a cherry!

@CASCASCAS I would totally give it a to I just feel a bit apprehensive. I'm not sure how I'd manage to make it look sexy lol

I completely disagree with the poster who said “If it doesn’t turn you on, don’t do it”.

Sex isn’t just about your enjoyment, it is about both of you enjoying it. Unless you actively find it unpleasant, why shouldn’t you indulge your partner?

If you both enjoy the same stuff, that’s obviously great. But to the extent your interests diverge, why not take turns of doing stuff to please the other? Obviously, it can’t all be about him. For every time you indulge his fetish, he should be doing something for you, and vice verse.

I'd actually agree on that to an extent, @Balhammom. My partner and I have power exchange sex, and I'm usually submissive. But he also enjoys being in the submissive role - I don't find being dominant always that easy, and it doesn't always turn me on in the sense that I get off on it, but I don't dislike doing it, and I like to see how much he enjoys it.

If we take on those roles, I have to be quite unselfish, because I know that I'm not going to get as much sexual enjoyment out of the configuration, but i know how much he loves it. If we did it every time, that wouldn't be on, because then i'd never be getting what I wanted or enjoyed.

If, however, I hated doing it, then that would be a different story. No one should do anything they don't want to do - but that's not the same as doing something just for the pleasure of your partner.

Fully agree @wishfuldreamer