To think my pleasure trumping his,is odd??

[adminangel]

New boyfriend of a few months and everything is going great. He is very kind, attentive, loving and caring. I feel strongly for him also.
The question I have is whether I am being unreasonable to think that my sexual pleasure trumping his, is normal
. I don't know what is normal after a very different sexual dynamic in a twenty year relationship where my needs came last.

He will quite happily hug, kiss, have fun with foreplay and then wait until I am satisfied.it is biggest turn on he says.
Am I being cynical ?
Also, he does not always come but the majority of the time he does but doesn't have any ED issues .He seems very satisfied but I really have never met anyone like this before .Thanks for reading .

In my (quite frankly, significant) experience, men like this go two ways: those who are good and generous lovers and want you both to have a really good time because that’s the best kind of sex there is; and those who have a bit of ED or PE and so make a Very Big Deal, in the early stages at least, to tell you that they get all their pleasure through your pleasure and don’t need to come every time to enjoy themselves. In the latter case, the sex tends to taper off after a bit, leaving you wondering what you did wrong.

Impossible to say which group your man falls into at this stage, and it may well be the first, but it’s always a good idea to keep your wits about you, especially since he doesn’t always come or want to himself.

Congratulations
You have found a man who is good in the sack.

Thanks . First off I have to say I'm
A massive over thinker and am frankly confused after my relationship with ex. I thought it was the norm to endure unsatisfactory sex for so long.
The new man definitely doesn't have ED . Quite the opposite . Neither has he PE. It takes longer than usual and on a rare occasion, he doesn't finish at all but really enjoys himself . After that, I don't know why I'm bothered but I hope it's because this is totally new to me. I should relax and see where it goes I guess .

Sounds kinda similar to my partner. I’ve actually been with him for 8 years now but with previous partners it had always been about their needs. Definitely not enough foreplay and I never felt satisfied and always felt rushed and never orgasmed.

When I met my partner. It was different. He seemed to really want me to be satisfied. He would satisfy me first before finishing himself. He doesn’t have any ED like you state though. I think my partner is like this because he often comes quickly but ‘sorting’ (sorry tmi 🤣) me out first means I’m satisfied.

It’s definitely a positive!

I think a large part of expectations relates to how sex is depicted in TV and film. I see lots of people saying how accurate Normal People and I May Destroy You were but my own experience is closer to what you're describing OP. I can't understand why women would put up with bad sex and not speak up.

Lord the bar is low here

Man here, I'm the same. My biggest turn on is my partner really enjoying herself. Any stop worrying and just enjoy yourself

Totally normal behaviour, you are correct, its the previous experience that was sadly lacking, be cynical about him. Woman cums first, man gets kick out of it, then if lucky might cum again until man usually cums - ok that's the slight difference, but that's not what you are bothered about, and if he's not, then it's all good.

I wouldn't say that my experience is same as that of OP ,I've not felt used ,but I too am surprised by the consensus on here .

Do men chat amongst themselves and agree that this is how things should be ? Seems unlikely ? Is it more innate .a question of good behaviour ,being unselfish ?

OP, it should be normal and it should be expected. Your needs are important. Just enjoy.

In the past, as some regulars on these boards will know, l have been criticised for admitting to having a pre-sex conversation before inviting someone new into my bed. I still think it’s the right way to go.

An attentive bed friend will get pleasure from seeing your own pleasure.

It sounds like he has delayed ejaculation rather than ED.

My partner enjoys my pleasure. He holds off for days before letting himself have an orgasm, which is then much more intense.

I would say that it's important to me that any partner I'm with is enjoying herself.

I do occasionally have ED (I'm 58), and have had PE - not a great mix, so I do take the time to pleasure my partner first. I love it.

I've found ways around both ED & PE, but it hasn't changed the way I treat my partner!

Normal.

My partner says it's seeing me satisfied that is a huge turn on for him.

DH finds it a massive turn on seeing me climax and says it often intensifies it for him. I used to worry if he didn’t always cum but then I don’t always for one reason or another ( usually tiredness or everyday life on my mind). So I now don’t get too stressed by it.
After nearly 30 years we are still exploring so sex is still fun and throws up some pleasant surprises.