Sex with the same person forever

[Lemonsherbert2020]

I've been with DH for ten years. Fantastic relationship - very loving, affectionate, caring etc. But how do you nurture that sexual spark and eroticism after years of familiarity?

There are already certain sexual acts that once would have excited me that now, just the thought of doing with him, seem absolutely cringeworthy. I find myself having to depersonalise us both in order to get off, so for example if he starts talking dirty to me the moment is completely ruined as it shatters the illusion I had managed to create.

I really don't want this to be an unfixable problem for an otherwise strong relationship.

Please, please don't suggest trying toys or role play, I'm not sure I could face either of those with him without feeling completely ridiculous 😔

Is the issue embarrassment between you? I’m just wondering when you said you’d find it ridiculous to explore toys with him.

If you’ve been with someone a while and got used to not doing much, it can seem a bit embarrassing to go for it and try new things but you can get that back slowly if you both try.

I think the key to it being exciting and not cringeworthy is passion. Could you try to recreate the early days? Making extra effort and going out on dates, maybe meeting separately. Maybe some new sexy undies for you that make you feel extra special and really get his attention. Maybe some couples massage, erotic fiction (even something recorded so you can just listen and don’t have to read to each other), possibly a bit of porn? How about getting frisky in the shower?

I’m similar. I’m seeing someone that loves sex and likes to try and spice things up. But all the different positions and props seem somewhat embarrassing which takes me right out of the moment. Maybe I’m getting old.

How about trying different positions in the Kama Sutra. Just a suggestion.

Perhaps try telling each other your deepest darkest fantasies..? Rather than thinking about the need to try different sex acts (which you find embarrassing) focus on what mentally turns you both on. I don't mean cheesy porno dirty talk... I mean genuine sharing. Tell him what you think about when you masturbate.

Massage or just sharing a bath together can be a great way to rekindle an intimate connection. Just touching each other and enjoying the sensations without the focus being on actual intercourse.

I'm the opposite.

I hate the idea of someone else seeing me naked.

DH I don't mind as it's partly his fault for the stretch marks/saggy boobs/misshapen vagina.

We've been together since we were 19 so he knows it wasn't always this way. And he loves me. And I know he's not thinking negatively.

There's no one I trust more so if we want to try something we try it. If it works then fabulous. If not then we've got plenty of other thing we enjoy.

How about trying looking at some of the videos of someone like Layla Martin? She gives tips for different techniques of standard practices like oral sex. Could also look at something like tantra, and leave the more out there stuff, and just focus on some of the erotic practices? There are loads of different approaches to sex. maybe you could go on a journey to explore one of these different approaches.

Or look at OMG yes, -which centres your pleasure.

Try ‘Mating in Captivity’ by E Perel. I think you will be able to relate and maybe get some ideas for how to stay connected on a physical level.

Alternatively - if both of you are feeling that way - there are ways to push boundaries a bit and expand you sexual experiences.

'Mating in Captivity' LOL - what a title