How common is good sex?

[SexAccount]

Name changed but I’m a regular poster - honest.

I’m mid 30’s and have been seeing a man for a few months now. Before being with him I was married to my husband for 10 years, had had a couple of year long relationships a single one night stand. So I’ve slept with 5 men altogether.

I’ve never really enjoyed sex. It’s not been something that I actively disliked (apart from the last year or so with stbxh as I realised I didn’t want to be with him anymore). I have a few body hang ups and I’ve always just been concerned about making sure my partner saw me from the more flattering angle/ tried to get light off or under covers and always just been concerned about my partner having a good time. The second man I was in a relationship with got a vibrator and used that to make me orgasm while he would shag me but other than that I have never had an orgasm with a partner either through sex or foreplay. I’ve never faked it (I’d feel too daft) and when asked if I’d had a good time I’d always say yes which was generally true as I enjoyed making my partner cum.

This new man that I’m with though . He’s got a very average sized penis but he makes me orgasm every single time. When we’re together we have sex 3-4 times a day. We pretty much just spend all our time together having sex. He’s amazing. All he seems to want to do is look at me and make sure I have a good time. He lives a couple of hours away so I only see him every 10 days or so but when we’re not together I just daydream about him fucking me. It’s a bloody nightmare, I’ve got stuff to do and I’m just thinking about getting laid like some horny teenager.

I don’t know if we’re going to work long term, we’re a long way apart and I guess at some point that will wear thin. But I’ve just been wondering is it that rare to have such an incredible connection? Or have I just been with really shit partners before this? With this new man it’s nothing kinky or unusual really - he’s a bit rough which I’ve never experienced before but it turns out I love it but I trust him enough to know he’d stop the second I asked him.

It’s ridiculous, I genuinely feel like a new person. I just can’t believe I’ve wasted my best years having unenjoyable sex . So I’m trying to make up for it now. I don’t know what I’m trying to ask really. Has anyone else not discovered good sex until later in life? I’m trying to think of what I can do to make this man happy too. He seems to get off on me enjoying myself but there must be something he wants too.

My partner and I have great sex. He gets off on me getting off which is a big part of it and sounds like your partner is the same!

Sadly too many people settle for bad quality sex. Some don’t even realise that they are having bad quality sex.

I've never had bad sex , only had two partners .
With my first partner and husband it was technically amazing sex but I didn't love him so it was all about the orgasm . Still great but I could go without .

The sex when you're in love heightens everything . I had this insane connection with a man who left me and the grief / heartbreak has been unbelievable . I honestly believe the sex is what made me fall in love with him more than anything else . It was tender , emotional . Affectionate , playful and just beautiful all round . I worry I'll never experience that again .

I've been with my OH for nearly 10 years, and we have always had amazing sex. Other partners I've had have varied, from really good, mediocre or just really bad. Unfortunately there are alot of men out there who are rubbish at sex, personally I couldn't put up with it!

I agree there are a lot of men out there who are too lazy to learn how to pleasure a woman. They think a quick rub in the general area of her clit will suffice. I have encountered far too many of these men in my 20s and foolishly married one in my 30s. Utterly repressed and selfish in bed.

Now, in my 40s, I'm with a new younger guy whose sole focus seems to be my enjoyment. I sometimes feel like a science experiment (!) as he tries new things... sensory deprivation... different toys... massage... impact play... but he's taken the time and paid attention. I'm having the best sex of my life and I'm never going back.

Dear Sex Account, you sound very giddy and happy and why not! I feel like Susan Sarandon in Thelma and Louise when Geena Davis comes in after a one night stand of passion with a very young Brad Pitt. And she is smiling and congratulating Geena. In short, enjoy it you are in the honeymoon period and long may it last and don’t worry too much about what he wants now - I am sure you will have plenty of time and fun to find out more about each other in the future.

Also not living together helps a lot.
And yes sadly most men have no clue what to do. At all. Nada. Zip. IMO only about 30% know what they are doing and therefore sadly a lot of women dont realise how great great sex is.

I am in a relationship post marriage think this guy is about notch 14 on my bedpost after a fun youth haha!

I am having great sex, he is all about me, loves to go down on my can make me cum from Piv only, he has introduced me to vibrators as my ex husband wouldn’t let me have one incase I preferred it more!

He is a kinky and want me to try loads of new things, we plan on going to a sex club to watch and play with each other after covid.
I am having the best time and it’s about bloody time! My partner is Also long distance and it keeps it exciting!

Enjoy gorgeous!

Do you think it couid be the shape/size of a mans penis?

Glad to hear that you’re in a similar situation teesstar. I know it’s a total cliche but I really do feel like a new woman .

remmy123 I don’t think it’s really much to do with shape/size of penis in my case. My exh was very well endowed but I never once even got close to having an orgasm with him. He very much took a just a bang it in and hammer away type approach and seemed completely oblivious as to whether I enjoyed myself or not. This man is the first man I’ve been with who actually seems to respond to whether I’m enjoying myself. The sec is ridiculously amazing although he’s probably on the smaller end of average size.

There's a great book called "The Pleasure Gap" by Katherine Rowland which highlights these issues.

Oh, there's the super funny "More Orgasms Please" by The Hotbed Collective that looks into the orgasm/pleasure gap between men and women. The audiobook version is fabulous too.

That is so, so lovely to hear and congratulations! Long may it last.
I was in a similar(ish) )situation. Long marriage with good sex, or so I thought. Then the marriage ended, I found a new bf on tinder and OMG, the sex blew my mind.
Like you we just couldn't get enough of it.

Two years on and it's only gotten better. I think amazing post-marriage sex in your forties must be one of the best kept secrets out there.
Ssssh.

I'm not sure, I've had 5 partners and 2 of those were pretty awful. With my first dh there was a lot of love but zero passion, sex was ok when we (rarely!) did it and as a lover he was actually very considerate and lovely but the no spark killed it for me.
I've been with dh for over 10 years and meeting him was a bloody revelation! I instantly realised I'd spent 20 years having sex with the wrong people and he totally blew my mind
The feeling was very much mutual, we are a perfect match and I'd happily shag him forever. Obviously a decade on things calm down but sex with him is still the best and if life didn't get in the way we'd happily spend every weekend in bed!

I think Remmy has a point ( or a upward bend ) .

Not size so much ,but shape .Can't really believe I'm typing this

Sometimes there is such a thing as a "good fit" and this .while not everything ,does help .

Yeah the reason why I say it As I had goood sex with someone with a wide penis!! 😂

Long and skinny don't hit the sides 😂

Well I met my now BF who is the best lover I have had to date! I have my own problems reaching Orgasm and he's the only man that has actually made me orgasm... but I do sometimes wonder if there's even better out there lol.. (I hope he doesn't read this ) xx

I don't think good sex is common. From the conversations I've had with women (and there has been lots) men don't seem to understand a woman's needs emotionally or physically on a sexual level and this understanding is paramount to good sex.
Luckily I have had women who have educated me in both. They were always older women and I love them all dearly for the education they imparted.
IME however I would say that both sexes have a lot to learn about not only there own bodies and emotional needs but also that of the opposite sex.
The amount of women I have come across that hadn't orgasmed until their 40's/50's. Had faked it on numerous occasions, didn't like oral sex, had seen it as their marital duty etc, the list goes on.
In most cases their inhibitions had been ingrained in them from an early age. "good girls just don't"

Sorry had to take a phone call so PP cut off.

Because of this "good girl just don't" conditioning inhibitions are embedded and so when they get to the bedroom it becomes psychological and this does not lay the foundations for good sex.
Good sex only happens when both partners are emotionally and physically uninhibited.

Your new relationship sounds great fun OP, enjoy !

It sounds like he’s enjoying it lots too, long may it continue for you both.

I have had what would probably be considered a lot of partners (had a great 20’s)😂 and some amazing sex and some crap sex, small penises and ridiculously large. The size doesn’t really reflect the sex.

As another poster said the main thing is to actually get into it, be a bit freer in the sack than people would maybe think you were (I have been told I am very dirty a few times, but you wouldn’t think it if you met me).

Maybe experiment with a bj in terms of changing the way you do it, swallow etc if you want to do something he will love ?

It sounds marvellous!!!

I have had lots of partners, but I would say that mediocre sex is super common. I now am old enough that I have no time for someone not making an effort.
My DP has a very average (or probably small actually) penis but he is a total success sexually. So much better than my exes who have been well-endowed. I think my DP just hits the right spots and will carry on until he knows I have had a good time. Control is key and taking the right care.

As a society we are going really wrong because we do men a disservice as much as women. Men shouldn't be getting all their sexual ideas from ridiculous porn set-ups or from old men who are clueless. As women we need to feel free to talk about it.
I have openly talked about sex with my adult sons and I think it is vital.

Well done OP on your awesome sex life. Sure it'll change and relationships go through sex ups and downs. Enjoy all the good stuff while it lasts and work to get it back if it fades!

Tbh I found as I got older I lost my inhibitions that made sex better. I suppose some men are better than others at sex or you have better chemistry with them.
But also someone you click with sexually and then spend 10 days missing primes you for a strong sexual reaction when you finally are together. I had a LDR once where I came from him kissing me. At it like bunnies for a while. But when we moved in together we barely had sex. Familiarity I guess

What happened next lasttimeround ,did you stay together ?

We broke up. Nothing to do w the sex. My point was that op is in a situation where shes got a good partner but has to waaait for sex. But not too long. So everyone's engine is revving