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7 replies

Northeastmum93 · 25/09/2020 13:08

Me and DP always had a great sex life then DD1 was born, obviously not as much but still great. Then when I got pregnant with DD2 we had to stop after around 34 weeks as pelvic girdle made it too painful for me, DD2 was also a csection and I had a rough ride healing so we waited the full 6 weeks to start up again. With 2 young children we wasn’t as regular as before but I think that should be expected, not as much as either of us would like but we just struggled to find the time. Moving into mils house while we renovated didn’t make this any easier.

Around 6 months ago Now back in our own home I was getting strange vibes off DP I knew something was wrong so I did the dreaded thing and checked his phone. I found that he’d been on fab and also paying for onlyfans of local girls that we both know. His browser history didn’t show that he’d messaged anyone on fab but he’d had a good look. I confronted him and he said it’s because we don’t have enough sex and he was just curious. He’s assured me it won’t happen again but since I have gone on to find him paying for more onlyfans. We have sex probably 3 times a month which isn’t enough for either of us, I’d like to have sex more but I don’t feel confident around him anymore. My body’s changed since having children, my csection has destroyed my stomach my confidence has never been so low and I know that this isn’t DPs fault but he hasn’t exactly helped. I created a fake account on fab to see what he was looking at and none of them looked a thing like me. How can I move past this? I want our sex life to improve but I know for this to happen I need to move past this. His do I do it? Has anyone been through similar?

OP posts:
wizzbangfizz · 25/09/2020 13:38

If ask to get this moved to relationships OP - I think there are bigger issues at play here than improving your sex life and you will get some great advice from posters on that board who will have been through similar.

cteal57 · 25/09/2020 13:52

So sorry to hear about your situation , my DW ,had to deal with a similar situation with me her DH, from my perspective i can understand your DH "needs" looking at those sites , probably masturbating more ,basically we are selfish and like to be satisfied without the effort ,however we worked through the situation , beware of your DH claim "He’s assured me it won’t happen again but since I have gone on to find him paying for more onlyfans." We will unless things change , so my DW confronted me ,put some restrictions on my phone ,laptop etc and had a real open talk about sexual needs etc, it was difficult but worth it , we had a few awkward weeks, sleeping as far away as possible in the bed etc ,but i realized how selfish i was and how loving DW was , she started to feel more confident as i paid more attention, buying flowers , wine, lingerie etc , we became more sexually aware of each other , sex life improved ( less masturbation needed for me now ! ) and we are happy with each other , takes time and effort but it can change ATB

GalaxyCookieCrumble · 25/09/2020 16:26

I would not be sleeping with him again, what kind of man blackmails his wife who just give birth into pressuring her into having more sex or he will go off on sex sites to make her feel bad?

Sorry @Northeastmum93 I'm in the North East as well if you ever need a chat. Your other half is vile.

IJustWantSomeBees · 18/11/2020 21:57

Is he genuinley remorseful? I count onlyfans as cheating and wouldn't be able to get past it myself, if you want to get over it there should be great effort on his part to make up for his selfishness and accept fault. If he is trying to brush it off/not accept fault then I would reconsider the marriage. Having sex 3 times a month after your wife has birthed a baby is hardly something to cry about. I don't like the fact that he is blaming you for his actions and trying to make it seem like it's your fault for not giving him enough sex.

Purplepussycat · 19/11/2020 11:21

@IJustWantSomeBees why would you class only fans as cheating? Unless I’m
Missing something about what it is

IJustWantSomeBees · 20/11/2020 09:26

@Purplepussycat because he is paying a specific person to create specific sexual content catered to him as an individual. When he uses onlyfans he will be watching this sex worker live, talking to her and interacting with her on a personal level in a sexual manner. Onlyfans works on an individual to individual basis, the same way affairs do.

Purplepussycat · 20/11/2020 12:11

@IJustWantSomeBeesi thought only fans was just access to pictures and videos . 😳🤦🏻‍♀️

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