First night with new man. Advice/ opinions please?

[littlebitotartan]

I started a new thread following on from a previous waxing one.
We spent our first night together at the weekend and I am a little confused so I would appreciate your thoughts/ advice please.
To give context and not to drip feed, he was in a toxic relationship until last year where personal insults were the order of the day... sex/ body/ fitness/ inactivity for example .
He lost loads of weight - 40kg. He hates that he is so unfit as he has a chronic lung condition but this has improved since his loss of body weight.
He has done counselling for the abuses / physical and emotional and feels he is in a really good place.I am the first sexual partner he has engaged with since the break up.
We have spent many dates kissing/ touching etc and we slept together at the weekend.we were both very nervous and not showing confidence but he was very attentive/ kind and 'into ' the foreplay and certainlypleasured me
Much more than I've ever been used to.
When it came to actual intercourse he had a semi and said that this can happen sometimes.. He was awkward and nervous I think .He also knew that this was my first time with a new man after a long , sexually coercive marriage which is over 18 months.
We had sex with me on top and then changed to missionary where he did cum but it was minutes long and he was just terribly out of breath and awkward afterwards.He had said that extremely unfit.
We are very attracted to each other's bodies and spent lots of time on foreplay and he is very attentive and ensuring my pleasure as I tried to ensure his.
He gets off on me stroking/ rubbing his whole body and kissing.
Should I just be patient here as it was our first time or is there more at play here in your opinion , thanks.

Any replies appreciated please?

First night nerves are very real as far as erections are concerned, so I would give it a little while before you make any judgments about his performance, or lack of it. If you think there is some chemistry between you, then it has to be worth it to see what transpires over the coming weeks.

He does have a chronic lung condition, so that would probably go a long way to explain his breathlessness. He has done extremely well to lose all that weight, and he sounds as though he is willing to work at being a better person with his counselling. Fitness is something you can improve together and your support will make a big difference to him I have no doubt.

You come across as a pretty decent human, and so does he, so there is some hope for a relationship.

Best wishes.

Thanks so much for replying.
There is plenty of chemistry there on both sides and we love each other's company. I will give plenty of time. I don't expect perfection. I was just out of the scene so long I was worried that he may have ED and that it would become a bigger issue than needed to be.
I know I cannot change him but with patience and genuine compliments , things may get more secure and comfortable for him. I really think it's a crisis of confidence as he has issues with weight in his past and is self conscious .i adore his body and tell him so regularly .

If he does have ED, it is not the end of the world. I have it at times and apart from losing the spontaneity of having a quickie, there is no problem. It is something that the pair of you can learn to work around and the result is different to how your sex life would otherwise be, but I wouldn't say that it will be worse. When we are young for most of us there is the idea that sex is all about penetration, but sex can take many forms and PIV is not the be all and end all.

It sounds like you are doing and saying all the right things to create the kind of atmosphere in which he will thrive, so hang in there.

First time is always awkward and never goes to plan especially if one of you has confidence issues. I would give it at least 3 times before you know if there’s any ED issues, as others have said “it’s not the end of the world” there are thing he can do/take to help if he does have ED.

Thanks.It was perhaps nervousness but even if ED, we can figure it out I'm sure.

My guess, from experience, is stage fright. Next time, if he does get hard forgo your own orgasm and encourage him to go for PIV to get his confidence back.

The breathing difficulties from his lung condition may come into play with vigorous PIV, but spooning (doggy laid down), cowgirl and reverse cowgirl may help.

Thanks. I think you are right.

Yes of course patience required.

You like him a lot. You like his body. You like his approach.

Tell him that you insist on taking it slow. I'm sure as soon as you tell him he's not allowed to go fast then he will naturally want to, because the pressure will be off.

And yes you should also let him know that it's a new thing for you, how much care he takes with you and how good that feels.

What a joy ... taking it slow. I'm sure he will get there. One night is not anything. Hopefully there will be thousands more.