Sex after abusive ex.

[berlin010118]

Just wondering if anyone has any advice for how to enjoy sex again after going through a rather emotionally abusive relationship?

My ex basically used sex as a currency - if he got sex daily then he would be happy with me. If not then he wasn't. He would have sex with my knowing I was enjoying it and it's ruined the whole experience for me. I'm finding it hard not to carry those negative feelings with me in new situationships. In my head I still think sex= happy and no sex = not happy.

He never took no as an answer and was always really persistent with it asking multiple times a day or night until it ended up happening. Sometimes id stand my ground and go a few days without it but it came at a cost. I was accused of cheating or not loving him enough etc. It's completely made me question an experienced I used to love! It's been nearly a year no since I left him but I feel the negativity creeping up all the time with our. Has this ruined my perception of sex forever?

If anyone has any similar experiences I'd love to hear how you over came those challenges.

First having a break from sex but taking plenty of time to re explore your own body to rediscover where and how you want to be touched .

Meeting a really loving, understanding , patient and gentle partner who was absolutely nothing like my ex helped tremendously . And taking time and only agreeing to sex when completely comfortable with him and in a trusting , secure relationship .

Basically go very slow in anything new. Keep your psyche on board with your physical experience. Don't even for a second detach. If you feel that happening, stop.

My husband was physically abuse and i went through very similar experiences. To the point I'm not sure i actually genuinely consented.

I've since (2 years after separating) had a experience with a guy that was a bit of lockdown flirting, we didnt have sex but git intimate. it was a crush that developed into 2 nights getting close.
I know my previous experiences crept up in the back of my mind, we're human, it's almost inevitable. But i second the comment about being with someone kind and gentle, that made a huge difference.