He doesn't cum through penetration

[cookycween]

Been with my boyfriend for best part of a year now and I love him, all good.

Just curious about the above as never experienced it before. Wondered if anyone has any insight.

I've seen this mentioned on here before. The general consensus is over use of porn and 'death grip' but I'm not sure with him.

He's always been really honest about not cumming through penetration. He had an almost 20 yr relationship with his ex. When they split up, he had a few short relationships and then met me. Says it's been something he's had with everyone.

He says that while it feels nice, it doesn't really get him over the edge. He says he 'can' cum in theory through penetration but it would take a v long time and have to be quite vigorous. I struggle with that kind of sex. It does nothing for me and I find it painful so we don't do it. We're both fine with that. I can cum through normal, gentle penetration and fingers, tongue etc so I'm completely fine and feel fulfilled.

He comes quite quickly and easily when I do oral on him or use my hands so it's not difficult to bring him off or death grippy.

He says he's 'visual'. Describes half the problem of penetration as he doesn't have my chest to look at - that does seem to be his thing (but doesn't work if I'm sitting on top??) But he loves the experience of oral or hands when he can 'see' me.

After always being able to experience previous partners cumming through penetrative sex, it does feel a bit strange and lacking a bit. He says that previous partners have been a bit disgruntled and verbalised that, asking what's wrong with them. I kind of feel the same a bit but don't want to turn it into a problem so I'm not planning to say anything.

I can't see it changing so not asking about that. Just wondered if anyone had some insight.

(As an afterthought and FYI - it's not a practical problem. I don't want children with him. I have 3 already. He has 2 himself. He explains that the last time he actually managed to cum through penetration was when his DC was conceived some 13 yrs ago. Wonder if they really used a turkey baster though...)

It's reasonably well known and referred to as "retarded ejaculation" possibly psychological. A sex therapist might help!

@cookycween

Thanks Thelittleweasal

I've had a look online. Not a massive amount that I can find that fits for him.

No way I'm suggesting sexual counselling. Right now, he has a great sex drive. When I see him (when my kids are at their dad's every other weekend), we both want it at least once a day and he has no erection problems.

I think bringing it up would cause more problems than solving them.

I'm personally fulfilled sexually but a v small part of me wonders why I can't bring him off vaginally. Perhaps it's more my problem than his?

I can't offer any insight I'm afraid, but when I met my OH 10 years ago, he really struggled to climax. He said he had always been this way. It would take hours of sex and even then he wouldn't always come so had to finish himself off. But after we had been together for a few months, the problem just sorted itself out. Now he can come in less than 10 minutes if we're having a quickie.

It completely isn't your problem that he can't come that way, or do you mean "am I the only one worrying about it?"

From the sound of it, yes. There will be lots of women who would be delighted to have a partner happy to end PIV sex before he's come because she's had enough.

About the only way I can see it being a big problem is if you want to conceive and even then you could work it so he gets to the edge outside and only comes inside you.

You're right. He's fine with it and, like I've said, he very much satisfies me.

Just to say that I kind of experienced this with a previous bf. He said that he'd never been able to cum inside any woman, and always finished himself off. As a lover, he was pretty attentive to a woman's needs, but I didn't really like him wanking himself off for 15 minutes after we'd finished sex.