Is One Life-long Partner Always Enough?

[BrownEyedLady6899]

Hi,
So I’ve been thinking about this for some time and also because I’ve noticed recently how many people have open relationships, go swinging as a couple, commit adultery etc. I also used to work with a woman in an office who said she’d not commit to one man because she felt it would not be enough for her.
Is commiting yourself to one man enough for you?
I have had sexual feelings for other men in the past and have had the opportunity to carry out those feelings on a few separate occasions but I would not want to hurt my partner and feel that as I’ve committed to a relationship, it’s wrong to want more, or can you still be in a happy and loving relationship and still want more?
Do you think we are biologically wired to only settle for one lifelong partner, or have we adapted to this?
This is just a question out of curiosity and one I’ve thought about many times, so it would be interesting to hear others views on this.

This is definitely an individual thing. I have a girlfriend (a friend who is female) who is very happy to have married the man she loves and never to have had sex any other men.

I know plenty of women at the opposite side of that spectrum too. To each their own.

I am sure there will be curiosity as to what sleeping with someone else is like and that is normal.

Long ago a friend was married to her only lover and they had a trial split as she wanted to experiment with others - they eventually divorced.
Everyone is different. I’ve been with my wife for 27 years and occasionally think it would be fun to have a change - but its only ever a passing thought and an open or swinging relationship is not something either of us would ever consider.

I cant even get one bf. God knows how people end up with several

I used to think that one person was enough. Then, after 20 years, I got divorced and my attitude to monogamy shifted.

I don't want a monogamous relationship. I tried that already. I want to have fun and have sex with people I'm attracted to. That said, I like the security, affection and companionship of a primary relationship.

My partner and I met on a swinging site and we're slowly navigating ethical non-monogamy together. We openly discuss our desires, thoughts, worries.

Of course, jealous arises but we've realised that that comes from our own insecurities. We can choose to either restrict each other or set each other free. I trust him enough to let him go and feel confident that he'll come back to me. I don't view his sexual attraction to another woman as any kind of threat to me... our relationship is so much more than just sex.

Also, I have desires that cant be met by DP because of our emotional closeness. He hates inflicting pain on me and I'm a bit of a masochist. So, those kind of activities are outsourced! Ideally we'd like to build connections with a few regular play partners who are respectful of our relationship.

That said, what works for us wouldn't work for everyone. Lots of people are mortified at the idea of sharing their partner.
Each to their own.

I'm not sure most men are biologically wired to settle for one partner for life. I also think that for both sexes only having very small numbers of partners before settling down isn't a good omen.

I was lucky in that I didn't have sex until I was 19 and my then bf was 24. He was experienced and considerate as well...his first GF had been older so taught him somewhat I found it. He was delighted on our first night together (weekend away) that he was talking my virginity and the effort he made to relax me and get me turned in was so nice. I look back on that night with fondness and feel lucky to have had such a nice first time experience.

After that I had had an experience on holiday..two couples, we were away together and things happened...all together in the same room. Again, look back fondly and don't regret the experience but I do know I wouldn't want to share my husband and see him inside another women or her doing intimate things to him.

So I think maybe it works for some but is a high risk thing for couples in a committed relationship that can blow it apart

I think a study of societies past and present shows that humans aren't 'wired' for any particular model. That said, monogamy (ie, one male one female) is the most normal and therefore probably the most successful, for biological and societal reasons. Polygamous societies are normally very unequal (dominated by a few men) and they'd be the next most common.

Monogamy has never meant 'lifelong' anyway. Divorce has always existed, in formal or informal ways in monogamous societies for when things go wrong.

I really hate the articles that turn up in right-on publications like the Guardian that explore alternatives. The reality that those writers don't like to mention is that all the most successful societies on earth are based on monogamy and the nuclear family, and this implies no judgement on anyone whose life hasn't conformed with that ideal.

I have had 3 partners in my life. Been married to the third for over 32 years. He is enough for me. He is the best of the 3. I have never slept around or had a one night stand and could only have sex in the context of a loving relationship. I have never been attracted to anyone else. If DH died then I would stay on my own for the rest of my life. I could never have sex with anyone else.

I'm a relationship anarchist so don't follow what society perceives as normal, believing that two adults define their relationship not society.
I don't have a primary partner, but do have friends and lovers.

Blokenamechangesexboard:

1. Divorce, as in the legal annulment of marriage, hasn't always existed - it only became legal in Ireland in 1997 for instance, and then by a waffer thin majority in a referendum; 2) the nuclear family, as in parents and children only living together, scarcely existed until the 20th century and is still a cultural exception; 3) I’ve read the Guardian more on than off for c.35 years and I’ve seen read an article advocating swinging, the kind of thing I’d remember. I’d say there’s a lot less sex, at least titlilation, than the Daily, Jenni shows off her bikini, Mail. It does have articles on relationships and sex for adults, a bit like Mumsnet.

never see!