Not safewording

[PinotPony]

I've been chatting for a few months to a guy who is very Dom/ alpha and into primal play. He's clearly a sadist too.

We're meeting for a drink and I'm certain will be making arrangements to play together. Already had discussions about limits, safewords, etc. I know other girls who've slept with him so no concerns about safety.

A big part of the dynamic is me winding him up in anticipation of punishment. It's more than bratty sub behaviour... I'm very switch... it's like a power play... not just physical strength but mental agility too if that makes sense.

My one worry is that I won't safeword when I need to because I'm so bloody stubborn and won't want to back down. I want to be defiant and uncooperative. I'm certain the end result will be me submitting but it'll be a hard fought battle!

Has anybody had a similar experience where they were too proud or stubborn to safeword? I don't want to have any regrets about it afterwards or feel that I allowed things to happen which I wasn't entirely comfortable with. And I'm sure he'd be horribly upset about that too.

I don't but it sounds bloody good fun 😬

Have an amazing time xxx

If you’re going to engage in that level of play, you both need to be responsible and have trust. On his side, he needs to be able to trust you to safeword if it’s too much. That’s your part of the bargain. Like it’s his to instantly stop if he hears it. If you’re reluctant to safeword, you’re setting up an unsafe play situation that could ultimately be very dangerous for you - either physically or mentally.

You do this type of play because you find it fun/pleasurable. It’s not an endurance test to see how much you can take. And he may be a sadist in the bedroom but presumably he’s not actually a psychopath and, like most sane Doms, he only enjoys inflicting pain when the other person is also enjoying it?

Using a safeword is not a weakness, it’s simply saying that you’ve reached your limit.

My bf and I use the traffic light system instead of one safeword. If I think I’m near my limit I say ‘orange’ and he then switches things up at that point or moves on to something else. If I want him to stop immediately, i say ‘red’ and the scene is over. Perhaps something similar might work for you?

Thanks @Voxx

I usually make use of traffic lights too. You're right.. amber is a good way to change the pace without stopping.

I think I'll tell him my concerns and perhaps suggest that we don't go too hardcore first time. Then, once there's a deeper level of trust, ramp things up a notch. As you say, I don't want to set up a scene that's potentially dangerous.

If it's a potential reluctance to want to SAY a safeword through stubbornness or defiance, would an action / gesture (3 taps) be better?

That's a really good idea @HoochieCoochieMan Thanks!

I've also had someone suggest holding a stress ball in your hand and you drop it when it gets too much.

I am soooo excited and utterly terrified!