He can't cum inside me

[faithMoon]

Am currently dating a wonderful guy for the past 10 months now . Im head over heels on love with him. He is caring , sweet , gentle, funny and literally the most wonderful man I could envisage being with ( my prior relationship was a 10 year horrific abusive marriage , did freedom program , started dating years later and kissed a few frogs since ).

Our sex life is fun. He is always eager to please , great at oral , an amazing kisser , the perfect balance between rough and playful and I'm incredibly aroused by and attracted to him .

However , he doesn't cum in me and it bothers me. He says he loves penetrating but will stop and start ( I cum pretty quickly usually but I can't relax as he keeps pulling out but would love for us both to mutually cum like this ) and then will finish me off with his hand / mouth and ask me to finish him off with my hand or mouth .

I can't help thinking that PIV isn't as pleasurable for him as it should be enough to make him orgasm . He says he loves penetration and that my vagina feels great and is Insists this isn't the issue .

I know he is under a lot of stress at the moment and he Is on anti depressants .
If I suck or wank he will cum plenty but it takes time and effort (sometimes 20 min plus ).

I've asked him why he does this and he gets very uncomfortable talking about it ( I think he's embarrassed ). He says his stress has effected his fitness levels ( he was super muscular before ) but he still looks fit enough to me . He says he doesn't always have the same physical energy to keep going but I don't really get it when men far less physically fit can penetrate till they climax .

He isn't super muscular as he used to be but he appears perfectly fit and well apart from the stress and anxiety he suffers.

Could it be his mental health issues ? I just can't help thinking that the problem lies with me and it's affecting my self esteem a little .

I don't want to make this a massive issue but could do with some advice .

Have to add also that whilst I massively appreciate him making me orgasm through oral , my favourite way to O and the one I find most satisfying is through PIV

Anti-depressants... Many have detrimental effects on a guy's ability to cum. Fluoxetine can be prescribed in cases of severe premature ejaculation.

This happened to me when I was on them many moons ago, so check the leaflet which came with them.

At the risk of getting too graphic, you could always get him almost all the way there and then go for penetration. Might not be perfect, but it is one solution if this aspect is really important to you.

... if he's a "nice guy", he may have internalised messages that he needs to last a long time and not climax too quickly. Over time that can make it (erm) harder to finish. Try to get him more turned on before PIV? Have you asked about his past experiences, before medication?

However, checking out the anti-Ds is probably the priority for this.

I absolutely guarantee it's the tablets. It's very frustrating.

*... if he's a "nice guy", he may have internalised messages that he needs to last a long time and not climax too quickly.
*
You know funny you mention this as when we have discussed sex and I've said ' i tend to orgasm ( only takes a few thrusts sometimes ) really quickly so don't need the guy to go on forever and he said ' but I thought women like it to last a really long time ' . When he's inside me he will be saying things like ' I'm about to cum!!!' But then stops and pulls out .
I asked him if it was due to the medications ( I also suspect this plays a role ) and he said no it isn't ,I'm on a low dosage now '. I asked him about previous relationships and he said ' it's been like this in recent years '. I don't want to keep probing as I can see the topic makes him uncomfortable and he is a shy guy as it is .
I always thought something like this would be a deal breaker as PIV is important to me , it's how I like to feel satiated, but I honestly love him too much and we still manage to have a great time in bed whilst being sexually and emotionally connected .

Sounds like he is afraid of getting you pregnant

So when he says he’s about to cum when inside you, have you tried asking him not to stop and encouraging him to carry on?

On the occasions he's said that , I was so sure he'd come each time that no i didn't ask him to carry on but now I can see for sure he won't I think I will vocalise it . I do say 'don't stop ' and 'keep going ' before that though but he stops regardless .

Never had a partner and now husband who didn't want to cum inside me. It is as you have identified such an important part of sex that you can't ignore it. I just love the feeling as well after he has cum between my legs despite the uck bit!

This sounds like Delayed Ejaculation for which there can be many causes, psychological, medical, physical.
OP - you don't say how old he is. Men do naturally lose sensitivity as they age so it can take them longer to reach orgasm, if at all.
You sound like a really understanding and patient partner and I'm sure you'll work through this together. Not all partners would be so supportive. Be assured though it's nothing you've caused.
www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/delayed-ejaculation/symptoms-causes/syc-20371358

Thank you hoochie . Yes I should have mentioned his age , he's 30.

It’s 100% the ADs.
He’ll be feeling really bad and under pressure , but reassure him everything is ok.
Can come up with a plan with his dr/psychiatrist to come in off ADs!

It’s 100% the ADs.
He’ll be feeling really bad and under pressure , but reassure him everything is ok.
Can come up with a plan with his dr/psychiatrist to come in off ADs!

I thought so too but he denies this is the case .
He really needs his meds right now and his mental health is priority so I don't think a reduction in meds should happen anytime soon .

I've decided to take the pressure off sex completely for now and just focus on giving him blowjobs until things improve as the way things are it's more frustrating for me .