Just snapped at DH during sex!

[Airwick01]

I feel awful as he’s so lovely but tonight I just became exasperated. We’ve been together 7 years and I’d say for the first 5 he was attentive and just seemed to have an intuition about him, like he could sense when I was enjoying something (I mean I know you can tell from noises etc but he did just seem to know in general) he paid a lot of attention to my clit and got me really ‘warmed up’ before trying to enter me.

The last couple of years, I guess he’s just become lazier and to be fair, I just don’t get that excitement anymore so it takes me ages to get turned on and come. (A session now takes a good hour whereas in the early years it was 20-30 mins)

He pays hardly any attention to my clit anymore and instead, after 10 mins just tries to push inside me, or tries to finger me ad it bloody HURTS!!

Tonight, after he tried to do both these things within the first 20 mins, with absolutely no warming me up beforehand I just lost it for a couple of minutes and said I’m sick of him doing that and he never used to and it’s really putting me off having sex with him.

He said sorry and then ‘got me more warmed up’ so to speak but the mood had been soured for me. We had sex but I didn’t really feel turned on.

I just feel like the above is basic, no? And shouldn’t really need to be said?!

You need to work on your communication. You've not said anything that suggests you've tried. In fact, quite the opposite... You're expecting him to be a mind reader. Unless there's more to this... YABU

You need to tell him. He’s not Uri Geller!

I guess I’m annoyed at having to tell him, when I didn’t in the beginning? For the first 5 years he was fine, knew what to do. Knew that he couldn’t just stick it in in the first 5 mins.

Obviously I did say something last night to him, but he just seemed huffy and offended at me pointing out the obvious

He has obviously got lazy, however it works both ways...are you equally paying enough attention to him?

You didn't obviously 'say something', you actually lost your shit with him mid sex. There'd be absolute uproar if this was the other way around.

Long term good sex requires communication, understanding and commitment. Pointing out the obvious is a bad attitude.

It’s doubly important to communicate well when it’s your requirements that are changing. Seems like a lot longer than is usual actually

Wow surprised by some of the replies to this.

Of course you shouldn’t have to tell him that he can’t just shove it in unless you’re obviously highly turned on. That is basic.

I guess he’s just assuming you’re turned on when you’re not. Awkward.

It is much harder for women to get wet as they get older and men don’t seem to know that unless specifically told - and that conversation is a major turn off which doesn’t help.

Aaagh bodies! 🤦‍♀️

That sounds like a long time to be fair. He should be putting more effort in but twenty minutes of foreplay would make me take up knitting while I were waiting

Perhaps your DH has got a little bored. Who was taking the lead, so to speak? If it was him, perhaps he's simply tired of that, or, perhaps his libido has reduced a bit.

I mention this because I don't think very many men would ever complain that their partners weren't doing things to get them off. I think it is more normal for men to make sure they get what they want in bed by their own efforts.

If he needs to take more time and attention, than tell him- There is little point of letting him carry on and than shouting at him afterwards.
It does seem that you expect sex to be him pleasing you, I don't see anything about any actions you take.
Maybe his distractions have come from having to do all the work.
When you do talk about it properly maybe you should ask him about his needs rather than just thinking about your own.

Aren't you supposed to talk about sex anywhere but in bed?
Tbh I lost it also with dh last week and haven't had sex since. He did something I didn't want , trivial thing but I didn't like it and he did it twice more in the same session!!