Where to find people for hook ups?

[veewee]

Bit of a weird one, but I think I'm bi.

I'm married to a man, but I really fancy women. I've been with my husband 12 years, since I was 20, I slept with (quite) a few men before him, & always fantasised about women, but never knew where to look. I'm not really looking for a relationship, obviously, but how would I go about finding someone? I would obviously be upfront about it being just sex, but I wouldn't even know where to start looking?

Before anyone worries, my husband is fine with it all, he knows how I feel about needing to explore this side of myself.

I realise this is a bit of a waffle.

If you're looking for a safe female led environment to explore your sexuality, I would recommend Killing Kittens. It's famous for its sex parties and Clitoratti in London is a girls only sex party. Not any parties right now of course!

More than that, there is a great community of friendly, supportive people all learning about their desires and pleasures. I know several bi-curious women who have made friends, met socially and have been on dates with other women or couples.

It's all very open, upfront, and honest. And because it's a community of swingers /open relationships, you all get to know and look out for one another. Bad or disrespectful behaviour is not tolerated. Worth checking out!

I would say Fabswingers- avoid the men if you like and just seek out women you like the look of.

Op,
Obviously, you can't meet anyone at the moment... . I just bet your partner is on-board! Expect him to want to join in...

Another vote for Fabswingers here. You can set filters / preferences to only women, but it won't stop men / couples from looking at your profile.

How does Killing Kittens work? When you meet at a party, do you then choose a couple to experiment with?

There's lot of options.

You start by chatting to people in one of the group chat rooms - there's Kurious, Couples, Kittens Only, Filthy Flirts - you get the idea. You can also view people's profile and match with them.

If you are interested in someone you can DM them but "Toms" must always ask a Kitten in the group chat first. If she says no or ignores, it means no. Anyone who sends an unsolicited DM gets told off or, worst case, thrown out. Anybody being disrespectful or lacking integrity is similarly chastised. The ethos is about making a connection, not just a hook up. It's not a site for guys to get their rocks off leering at naked girls (although there's an abundance of delicious photos daily!)

There's lots of flirting and rude pics but also reviews of the best sex toys, discussions about consent or red flags, specific kinks... lots of shared knowledge.

Once you've connected with people you might like to play with, you can arrange to meet (or video chat at the moment).

KK organise group socials (no play just drinks in a bar), workshops (topics from tantra to jealousy) and the infamous parties (200 people in Venetian masks!) I usually find out who else is going to an event so I don't have to turn up alone.

Alternatively you can arrange to meet people on a private basis much as you would any other dating website. You have the reassurance that they've been ID'd by KK and are usually known personally by other members.

I've tried FAB too but I just got lots of messages from guys wanting a fuck. I prefer the more respectful community style of dating on KK. I've honestly made some great friendships.

Should add that you can also just play with strangers at parties. There are no singles Toms allowed, they have to be accompanied by a kitten. And again guys are not allowed to roam around on their own approaching women, they must ask to be introduced.

I feel safer at a KK party dancing around naked than I do in most nightclubs!

So if you met a couple at a party and felt there was a connection, you could take a wander off to a playroom together... Or if you saw a group playing together you could politely ask to join in...

@PinotPony - Thanks for explaining it to me. Can you choose not to show your face, I’d worry I could be recognised by someone. I’m in a relationship at the moment, so it’s not possible for me currently but it’s definitely something I’d be interested in, if the situation arose.

@PinotPony - So very female dominated, which is good I think. When you say play in the rooms, does this mean oral/sex, or just flirting/teasing? What is the rough age range? Sorry for all the questions, I’m just curious!

Absolutely! Lots of people are concerned about being identified because or relationships or work.

I tend not to show my face in pics on the larger chat groups as there can be 90 people but in smaller groups with people I've met I don't worry so much. There's no pressure to do anything you're not comfortable with,

At parties you can keep your mask on all night if you choose, although most people remove them after the first hour.

I bumped into someone I knew in a professional capacity at a private party. After the initial mortification, we just laughed about it and assured each other we'd be discreet. I didn't play with him directly but gave him a high five as I walked past him playing with a couple of girls! 😂

Age range is 20s to 50s. I think there's a misconception that it's for the young and beautiful but that's not the case. Body fat, stretch marks, even stoma bags... all bodies are beautiful and we all find different things attractive.

Playrooms are usually for people having sex or oral. Flirting, teasing and touching is usually at the bar or on the dance floor. It also depends on the type of party and location. The one with dinner and a burlesque show has a very different atmosphere to the one held in a jacuzzi and pool setting.

I can imagine the initial awkwardness of seeing someone you recognise!
Do you have to be sexually experienced and willing to try most things?

Not at all. Many people are simply exploring their sexuality, discovering what works for them.

Some people are very experimental and want to try new kinks. Others are more "vanilla" and want to explore physical intimacy, massage, mindfulness... I chatted to a married guy the other day who has discovered that he can orgasm without ejaculation (yes really!) and it's vastly improved their sex life.

I do think you have to be open-minded about what other people are into. There is a policy of no kink-shaming... you can say it's not your cup of tea but you mustn't judge others.

An alternative to KK is to go to a normal swingers club. Its perfectly acceptable just to go and have a drink and a dance. No pressure. Single ladies get looked after but you could go with your OH too. I've known ladies go off and play while their husbands have a pint at the bar lol! I've been to lots of clubs. Some good, some bad. You just need to look for the right place, choose the right night and be willing to travel a bit. We like to make a weekend of things.

Wow! Thank you for all of the responses everyone! Will have a look at KK, I've never heard of it before. Now off for a google! 🙂
I'd rather not have dh involved, he is supportive, but I feel it's something I need to do alone (at least to begin with).

@PinotPony - Thanks for your replies, can you join even if you’re not looking for sexual encounters? Interested in the sex toys bit too.

Yes sure. Drop me a DM if you want any help or tips on which groups to join.

@PinotPony Thank you! I’ve had a look and it looks good! I never knew these things existed to be honest!

Low grade websites such as Fabswingers are probably best avoided.