Asexual.

[spagbolsandwich]

After many years of really only being physical with partners because it's what you do, I am pretty sure I am asexual. I find my partner attractive and don't mind being close (ie kissing/cuddling/snuggling) but anything beyond that is something Im really not interested in. It's not a deliberate choice, it's just who I am. I was raped at 16 and again about 7 years ago, so I'm not sure if that's anything to do with it, but I just don't ever get the urge to be intimate. My partner is very keen on the physical aspect of a relationship and I know this is a bone of contention, but it's either I satisfy him while not being true to myself, or he will definitely leave me in order to have that intimacy he wants.

I would seek help from your GP for a referral for help with this , best wishes .

Sorry to hear you were raped on two occasions, that in itself is traumatic enough for anyone to go through, did you receive any counselling? Something that stands out to me is that because you have been raped in the past you are connecting it with a traumatic experience and (rightly so!), so you would struggle to enjoy the feelings of sex itself. I think seeing your GP and getting help regarding this will be beneficial.
Do you want a sexual relationship to happen again?

If you've always felt romantic but non sexual from an early age then it could be that you're on the asexual spectrum.
If it's because of your trauma {flowers} it may be because you're suffering from that trauma. Perhaps a call to Rape Crisis may help.
As for asexuality the best information can be found on AVEN. Try looking on there site and see if you resonate with anything.
HTH best wishes.