Men during sex

[TwinStar2]

I have only had one sexual partner (my husband) and the way he behaves during sex is starting to bother me. He is almost inanimate. He closes his eyes, doesn't say a word or make a sound and just thrusts. No kisses or caresses, nothing.

It's always been like this. I have nothing to compare it to (and I don't think porn is good representative of normal life) but I'm starting to find his lack of basic communication boring. Is it usual for men to be this way during sex?

To make matters worse, he can't cum anymore (hasn't for 2 years or so) and doesn't like having sex very often. But that's an aside, as he acted the same even when he had a higher sex drive.

What does the doctor say about the ejaculation issue?
Do you have dc?

My exh was like this. Freaked the fuck out me. I kept thinking he'd change. I was very naive.

The doctor arranged a blood test to check testosterone levels and all came back fine....

No we don't have children

Well, I can only speak for myself and the few other men who have had sex in my presence, but the short answer is 'no'. I speak to my partner, tell her how much she turns me on, how much I love her, kiss her, caress her etc., and we have been together for 17 years.

Your husband appears to be unusual in his sexual habits.

@xpc316e

Yes. My DW and I use many positions and techniques, I tell her how good it is both during and after - partly because it is VERY good, but also because it boosts her ego to know that she is satisfying me, just as it boosts mine when I satisfy her. Kissing can caressing are very important both during sex and at other times. We have been together 30 years and still have an active and fulfilling sex life.

No, it's not normal. It sounds like it'd be pretty unsatisfying actually, and might feel like he's using you as an object or something.

But he clearly has issues.

I asked about dc as I'm afraid I would leave in this scenario. I would try to talk it through and see what could be done (he must be miserable as well) but ultimately I'd have little reason to stay. Do you know if he can/does climax at other times? I'm surprised he wasn't referred for therapy by his GP if it's emotional not physical.

What precious experience does your husband have? Is he equally inexperienced? He may not know any different....

Have you told him what you'd like him to do? It must feel horrible to get no communication from him... almost like you're just being used for his needs.

I'd suggest some sex therapy to improve your physical relationship. If he won't do that, I'd be inclined to walk away. You're missing out!

What precious experience does your husband have? Is he equally inexperienced? He may not know any different....

Have you told him what you'd like him to do? It must feel horrible to get no communication from him... almost like you're just being used for his needs.

I'd suggest some sex therapy to improve your physical relationship. If he won't do that, I'd be inclined to walk away. You're missing out!

Have to say OP, my lovely DH was generally very quiet and uncommunicative too although in his case he genuinely was enjoying it. I've had to ask him to engage more, so that I don't switch off. In my DH's case I think it's lack of experience as I'm only his second partner.

This sounds awful and you need to talk about it.
If he is experienced then it sounds just disrespectful to me and I would be totally turned off.
That said my current partner was very inexperienced and yet is a rocket in the bedroom. So who knows. What I do know is I could not have sex with someone who was acting like my vagina was a toolbox to put his tools in at night. You're a person. With needs!

Oh OP I'm sorry. No, that's not very nice. It's not supposed to be like that 😬

If he can't ejaculate then I guess he really has some problem. It could be physical or started out physical and now is a mental block as well. Do you think he'd go for therapy??

Is he a good husband apart from that?

We have always made a lot of noise and varied everything. DH likes communicate during sex.