FWB set ups - your experiences

[Saturnstar]

Hi all
I’m wanting a type of FWB set up in my life. I don’t want to be in a relationship for various reasons, time being the main one, but I just miss having good sex.
Who has successfully had a FWB set up and how do you set something like that up? I don’t have close male friends so I would need to try some sort of site I’m guessing? Also do you feel less inhibited when having sex with someone who’s just really in your life for that reason and vice versa? It’s worth noting I feel sexually attracted to both men and women but I’ve never explored sex with a female, so I wouldn’t be adverse to trying that either but I’m not sure if that kind of set up is harder to find with women especially when I’m not experienced.

I just feel time is passing me by I’m 27 and feel good about myself in a way I haven’t before (think my confidence is certainly coming with age) and I don’t want to waste this time not having sex and enjoying that side to life just because I don’t want a relationship!

Thanks!

27 is so young so don't worry! I was 37 when I found my FWB or fuckbuddy! We found each other on adult friend finder; you can be honest about what you do and don't want. We hooked up and a friendship formed and we do enjoy spending time with each other but not all the time!
It's nice to arrange some really good sex; this has developed over a year so you can say what you do and don't want...! We may go for dinner or the cinema and know we're both gonna get each other off later xx

Op,
58 here, and I previously had an occasional FWB. and I'm looking for another - PM me!

At your age, you should have no problem.

You can easily find a FWB or FB on ANY dating site. Just put "looking for FWB" or similar on your profile, and you will be inundated / spoilt for choice - particularly if you are bi, or bi curious..

You could use an adult site like AFF (but I think you may have to pay? It might be free for women - not sex discrimination at all…), or Fabswingers (My recommendation. Not just for swingers - LOTS of single guys / couples / women looking for casual sex. You would be classed as a "unicorn", and would be VERY much in demand!), but I really don't think you will have to.

Les inhibited? Probably. I certainly explored a more kinky side of sex with my FWB, and would like that to continue (damn lockdown!)

Feel free to ask anything. If I can help, I will.

Whatever you decide, know your limits, stick to them, and don't be pressurised into anything that you aren't happy with. Most of all, have fun! You only live once!

I've used Fabswingers - and you'll be inundated with messages before you've even added a photo !!!

As others have said - be clear about what you want and how you want things to work.

And yes the sex can certainly be very exciting if you meet someone who you click with.

Consider one of the better dating sites? you might get a better quality FWB .

I prefer the term friends and lovers.

Have a read up on relationship anarchy. It will help with your mind set.

As with all relationships it is mainly about the conversations that you have with a potential partner.

Finding someone is of course the first hurdle, either through OLD or IRL. I don't personally recommend the seedier websites. The calibre of person on those sites speaks for itself IMO.

I've had a number of F&L's who happened to be bi curious and have now made the transition to bi sexual. All had different experiences of making that transition and all where totally pleased to have made the leap.

@Saturnstar

Go very warily and set out exactly what you are looking for. Terms and conditions as it were. You really want someone trustworthy and not simply someone who posts "hi!". A post of several hundred words at least from him! You need to deter people looking for one night stands so my brief would include lunch at least with a Travelodge later [not first "date".] Most of the sites are [though they do not promote this] free to women. I would guess that men exceed women 10 to 1!

Over the last 20 years I've enjoyed 3 FWB relationships... and after something of a drought, a 4th is developing.

I've never met anyone from an adult dating site... and wouldn't. You just don't know what you're getting yourself into. You don't know who they are or where they've been. The one thing you can say for certain is that nobody on dating sites is telling the whole truth. So that narrows down opportunities for identifying partners. Here's the thing though.. if you are FWB minded... you will be able to identify others of the same mindset just by getting to know them... be it at work or a social group or a neighbour, or someone in the supermarket etc. FWB inclined people in my experience tend to have the same outlook on life generally and you notice that... they identify themselves as potential play mates. Talk to people... that's a numbers game - the more you play the better the odds of striking gold.

Having identified a potential play mate, don't rush.... Message lots... email lots... call lots.. discuss anything and everything. Take time to work out who your new friend is before you get it on. Set your personal rules, and the rules of the relationship... we all have them.

You haven't said whether you have a DP in tow... or whether your FWB can or can't have - and I'm not going to touch that subject in here, I've seen what happens to those who do! They're all things to think about. Where will you do the deed? I would say be very careful about your new playmate knowing where you live in case things go wrong... you haven't lived until you've had a bunny boiler experience, trust me.

As for the sex... yes I'd say it's more exploratory with a playmate... the best sex I've ever had, without a doubt.... which means that once you've joined the FWB set, you'll always want that particular thing going on in your life.

Good luck... feel free to ask further advice...

I been single 4 years (bipolar extreme hyper sexuality and cannot stay in a relationship) I have had two over the last 4 years both are good friends.

It didn't spoil the friendships and it works perfect for me, I would say we are more protective of each other than when we were just friends but what's important is we both wanted the same thing just casual. I go up my current fwb house with a group of us and we have a drink then one by one they get drunk and go home and I just stay after words we then have our fun I fall asleep with him after. We were always close but it's also important to remember I don't say anything if he sleeps with another girl and he doesn't say anything if I sleep with another guy.

The sex has a lot more meaning than one night stands and gives us both what we need, we do love each other I would say but neither of us want a relationship me because I like being single with my bipolar him because I am quite a bit older than he is. He is 23 I am 32.

But then he is my best friend I always run to him when something is wrong. It's like having the best of everything for me I get sex, affection, care none of the nasty stuff we never argue never have, it just works.

I been single 4 years (bipolar extreme hyper sexuality and cannot stay in a relationship) I have had two over the last 4 years both are good friends.

It didn't spoil the friendships and it works perfect for me, I would say we are more protective of each other than when we were just friends but what's important is we both wanted the same thing just casual. I go up my current fwb house with a group of us and we have a drink then one by one they get drunk and go home and I just stay after words we then have our fun I fall asleep with him after. We were always close but it's also important to remember I don't say anything if he sleeps with another girl and he doesn't say anything if I sleep with another guy.

The sex has a lot more meaning than one night stands and gives us both what we need, we do love each other I would say but neither of us want a relationship me because I like being single with my bipolar him because I am quite a bit older than he is. He is 23 I am 32.

But then he is my best friend I always run to him when something is wrong. It's like having the best of everything for me I get sex, affection, care none of the nasty stuff we never argue never have, it just works.

Boundaries boundaries boundaries

Decide whether you're going to text in between

Whether they will stay

Whether you will date

It has its highs and lows x I've had 2 long term. (Both ended )

One was more of a friend that I can see non sexually and have a hug or a cuppa it's an emotional connection we tell each other we love each other like friends still in my life. He might say things like. Totally going to wank over you when you leave but he behaves lol,

The other I probably developed more feelings than I would like to admit (we tried for more but he wasn't Interested as I wasn't the right woman for him x he's now with someone new and it hurts a bit seeing on fb x

But it worked for me at the time x

I had a FWB in my early 30s, he was someone I knew from work and I knew he fancied me. We started hanging out more and it just kind of happened. I did make it clear that I wasn't looking for a relationship though. However, I started to get the vibe that he wanted more so I ended things. We are still on good terms though, and have no regrets.

I am always wondering why there has to be all these dating sites, for this, that, and the other,especially FWB stuff. I am from the older days, and when I was at my best so to speak, in the swinging sixties, I had lots of so called friends with benefits, like lots of people did then, All in the days before mass dating sites and all the rest.

We would meet someone, and at face value,and not have to choose a person from a screen, with maybe the worry about what the man might actually be like in real life.

I only lived in a small town then, but it was always easy to meet friends with benefits, and whatever you needed. It was generally the done thing with lots of young people then, until they might have decided to settle down somewhat later.

I've been lucky. I've had a few. It's all about %. A good FWB relationship is far more friends than benefits. A fuck buddy is the opposite. Lots of talking and openness especially if you are both seeing others too.

@IsItWeekendYet1 Love your comment about FWB-minded people recognising each other. I'm realising that there is lots of potential for fun when you're single again - like being in your 20s but without all the emotional worries if you don't want a boyfriend. Any more advice would be appreciated

@DivorcedAndDelighted It's an observation I stand by as being incredibly accurate. The problem is that at some point someone has to be brave enough to out themselves ! That comes with knowing the other person and that takes time !

I get your point completely about "like being in your 20s again without all the emotional worries".... yes, yes and yes... once you've got those pesky 20s out of the way you know what you want from a.... trying not to use the word relationship here but that's what they are... FWB-ship.

Advice... I'm no expert but I will proffer this... : (No I won't... I just spent 20 minutes crafting a reply about ensuring your home life is protected from a FWB-ship going bad when I realised your nickname meant my ramblings were irrelevant! Pah !!

Ok - a bit of advice... you want some fun... be very very very very critical about potential partners - they have to fit your idea of what you want. Don't compromise... The second it doesn't feel right then move on.

A point in case: My burgeoning No4... we've known each other professionally for a good few years. Discovered this year (remember, someone has to cross the bravery line) we were FWB minded... very compatible in outlook, views of FWB relationships, compatibly broad-minded and open minded... but on the carefully planned night we had a good time alright but we won't be repeating... we just didn't click. We still talk.... we both know our secret is safe with the other... but it wasn't to be.

I'm in the early stages of exploring this, and through lack of options i tried fabswingers. I was indeed inundated before i even posted a pic and that can be quite overwhelming but i perservered and got to know my needs and boundaries pretty quickly in doing so. Anyone shallow, boring, pushy, childish or disrespectful is out, and you dont need to apologise. After 10 days I have 4 nice guys I'm chatting to regularly, 2 i clicked with very much and am in the primary stages of working through what we want and dont want. You need to be quite clear yourself about your needs and wants, be able to communicate that and be quite clear that you both can walk away if its not working. Be careful all the time, Dont give out your surname, address or any personal details. And I have a buddy who knows where i will be, when Im due back etc even if i just meet someone for a walk. Im enjoying the experience so far i must say, making new friends, talking in a way i wouldnt usually with men and learning a lot! but I dont take it too seriously either.
Good luck on your journey.

@heartlikepaper did you put a picture of your face up?
Im curious, always wanted to try FS and never had the nerve....

As one of the seemingly millions of men on FS I'm always keen to know the experience of women on the site . As Heartlikepaper said you will be inundated by the 'shotgun" emailers (those who email everyone with little effort in the hope of a hit). If someone new and local appears i tend to wait a few days before emailing (im in no hurry to be ignored). Oh and be prepared for dick pics and some really cringing chat up one liners.

Dick pics are common on most dating sites unfortunately, whatever it is you're looking for.....

@MisterT373 is right - cringey chat up lines, dick pics and shotgun emails are aplenty. My first profile was so basic, no photo even and a brief 'looking for' and I was inundated.
steel yourself, you have to work through a lot of false starts to get where you want to be. And thats crucial - know what you want and dont want and make it clear on your profile. This sets your boundaries out and you can filter within that then. I dont have a face photo public and i am very cautious to share one. Id be chatting a while before Id share it, esp with anyone local.
Check peoples profiles out that you are interested in, check verifications etc.
It can be time consuming to get what you want - some liars and oddballs on it - you wouldnt want to take it too seriously, but im finding it refreshing and having lots of fun even just in the chats.

I met my FWB down my rugby club where we both played. We had both come out of pretty abusive relationships and were still licking our wounds a little bit but were wanting to finally start having a bit of fun without expectations or baggage. We were not joined at the hip and both pursued other interests and social circles but a few times a month we would have the equivalent of date night, get dressed up, go for a meal or a drink and have sex. There was trust as we also did a lot of experimenting in the bedroom and explored each others fantasies. It worked for us.

sounds great, how long did it last?