AIBU re masturbation?

[anonnymum]

DH and I have been together 18yrs. We've had times during this where marriage has been pretty much sexless, for a variety of reasons on my part. Mostly to do with depression, becoming disabled and side effects to medication.

I've found that if I masturbate regularly this then keeps my sex drive from disappearing and results in sex more often for us. Since lockdown, both of us working from home and home schooling, I simply don't have the opportunity to masturbate.

Do you think it's reasonable to ask DH to give me time and space, alone time in the house, for this reason?

He's finding lockdown tough too and becoming borderline agoraphobic, I can't send him out on an errand to do anything because he simply refuses.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask for some alone time, even going as far as saying "I want to masturbate" although you may find your DH gets defensive. Why not masturbate together - either yourselves or each other. Just watching someone else touch themselves and bring themselves to an orgasm can be very erotic and a huge turn-on.

I would just tell me out right. But I’m also intrigued that you can’t find any tome away from him? Bath? Shower? In the early morning or late at night when he’s asleep?

Tell HIM* outright

Ask him to watch

Thanks for the replies. I can't relax enough to reach orgasm if he's watching me, and I need to be 'in the mood' to involve him in it in the first place. I simply don't want to and don't think about sex if I don't masturbate by myself, so can't really do it with him.

And I literally get no time by myself, I often fall asleep early due to medication I'm on and I start WFH early too. I can't do it in the shower due to my disability.

I'll have a chat with DH, just not sure if this comes across as selfish. Given that I want him to take DC out when he doesn't want to, and want to please myself when we are having another dry spell in bed.

Love to see replies if husband asked wife to take kids out so he could have a wank.

can't you say you are going for a lie down .

Pretend youre going for a long poo?

Have a bath ffs. You’re way over thinking and planning

There's no privacy in our home, the layout, where all the rooms are etc. If I can't relax then there's no point. If it was easy for me to climax, then I wouldn't need to work at this. But it's not.

@rwalker
So would I.....could you imagine the response! Lol

Seriously though OP, dont overthink it. If the mood takes you go and have a bath or say you have a headache and are going for a lie down.

Does he know you masturbate and does he masturbate? If yes then, as suggested above, be honest and ask for some alone time. And can you reciprocate to give him some time? If he doesn’t know then you may just have to say that for your mental well being you need some alone time and again, offer to reciprocate. Hope it works out. Hopefully the pubs And cafes can reopen soon giving him Somewhere to go.

Agree one lie in each in the morning. Undisturbed. He can entertain kids downstairs/in garden/take them out. Then you can relax however you chose. TBH I wouldn't put pressure on myself to masterbate if I wasn't feeling it though. It almost feels like you're forcing yourself to do it for his benefit (your libido). But a bit of free time and you might feel more into it anyway

sharing is caring , think I maybe inclined to rub my itch nest to him and see what happens , hope you work things out resulting in a happy conclusion .

I totally understand how masturbation increases your libido, it’s the same for me. I’d ask him to go out and explain why, restrictions are relaxing and it’s probably good for him to have a reason to leave the house with the kids to get used to it. Plus you’ll likely be wanting sex when he comes home. Win win situation.

Thanks for all the replies. It's a bit more complex than some people understand. I'm not overthinking it. I'm just constrained by current circumstances and my physical disability. I do not want to risk my child walking in on me while im seeing to myself, he's too young to understand and I don't think any age could get over witnessing that.

@havefunpeleton it’s masturbate

How do you usually find time?

I used to during the day when hubby was at work and kids at school. I worked from home then but now we are all stuck in the house together 24/7. I haven't masturbated since before lockdown, hubby started WFH in Feb then schools closed in March. I miss it and want to do it, for me. It's just tough right now.

It's a pity you can't do it next to him. He doesn't have to be watching. He could be checking out cars on his laptop. Or otherwise occupied.

I’m guessing the bathroom is out of the question due to your disability? You really need to just talk to him. You don’t even have to spell it out just say you really need some alone time. It seems so odd even in lockdown that you don’t get a moment to yourself. How does he manage to masturbate?

Just wondering if laying in a bath would make it easier for your disability. I can imagine how standing up in a shower could be awkward, but why is saying you're going for a bath not an option?

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply to me. I don't actually have a bathtub, I'm not fully self sufficient with one whereas I can be completely independent in a shower room. The layout of our home means that, although all the rooms are spacious and we're not cramped as such, there is very little space between rooms. My son can run from the TV in the lounge and be jumping on my bed in 3 seconds. We've never had any rules around closed doors and knocking or anything, and ultimately it's not the kind of home environment I want.

I live with chronic pain and to be able to reach climax I have to feel truly relaxed and comfortable, almost in a meditative state. This is because the pain never goes away, so I need to block it somehow. And it can take a long time to achieve this, 45mins - an hour. This is why I need DH to take DC out of the house completely, or at least go out by himself while DC are asleep. It's just with lockdown he is refusing to leave the house at all and I'm worried for his MH as well now.

I'm going to try speaking with him today, and see how it goes.

We have found exactly this. No space - kids around - tense - no privacy. My DH has found masturbating hard and basically has stopped as have I. What we are trialling on day one i take the kids out in the car or to the park and DH can have some time alone to masturbate like in the past and then we swap roles the next day. at least were managing a masturbate twice each week. Like OP actual sex itself is rare for us so its good to find ways of this release. Message me if wish anytime.

I think your best option is to be frank with your DH. If you inform him that to keep your sex drive up and be able to enjoy sex together, you need an hour or so alone time now and then he may be more obliging as it's in his own interest too. You may find it's good to be open about sexual needs and often brings relationships closer together.

Yes to all latest poster said. Since we chatted and we give each other that space it has helped us talk more openly about why we have stopped having sex and things we might try to rekindle together.