Won't give me oral - dealbreaker

[hopingtobedally]

My husband refuses to perform oral on me. I give it to him. I am clean and hygienic down below. It's starting to get me down. I have mentioned it but he says I'm bullying him. Would it be wrong of me to walk away and get someone who will please me in all ways?

Is his refusal a new thing ? I get that it must feel hurtful , I wouldn't want to be with someone who wouldn't go down on me either , but then I wouldn't marry them !

I don't get men that don't like doing this .
I think if you genuinely love your partner's body you would want to explore it with your hands and mouth .

You're free to leave if it's that important to you but why marry someone who is sexually incompatible - unless this is recent from him In which case I'd want to know why .

@nomorelove

I guess it's the same as anal - some like it, some don't.

I don't mind giving oral, but can understand why someone might not.

My wife is the same as you op. It'll probably never change so you have to deal with it and deal with the rejection and disappointment or walk away.

I’ve been crticised on MN in the past for saying that l have a brief but succinct “oral discussion” before having sex with someone. In short, no oral, no entry. For me it would be a deal breaker.

Have you asked him why? I have seen elswhere on MN that it is dirty. Sex and hygiene go together hand in hand. You touch all manner of things with your hands but you eat with them. It’s a case of washing them. Same applies with sex.

Does he just not like it full stop or another reason? I know my DH isn't as keen if I have hair below so I keep fully waxed (at least I did pre lockdown so now a pain shaving!)

My partner insists on going down between my legs, he loves it and I do, cum.every time.

I think your husband is missing so very much. It's more intimate than penetrative sex, there so many areas to touch and lick, so many different tastes, so much opportunity to bring on a variety of orgasms, the chance for a bit of light arse play... in short it's the best! I think it brings people closer when they do things less vanilla.

If he has never done it then he never will.

Many moons ago i ended a relationship after a few months as she didn't like oral at all, giving or receiving. No way was getting married under those circumstances!

Yes Otter you did right.

OP: it's a different world if your DP loves to give. If he doesn't, you will always be forlorn, but maybe you can just live with that.

Up to you. Objectively squeaking, of course sex is better with oral as a staple menu item. But in human terms, obliging him to go against his instinct isn't good.

So you have to choose. Him, or ...

(Otter and all - how could anyone not like receiving? I'm super-empathetic but I just can't get that one!!)

You have to decide if you can live forever with never receiving oral. It isn't wrong for him to not like it and not want to do it, but did you know this before you married him?

I didn't like giving oral to an ex so never did it. He never mentioned it. I do like giving it to DP and we had a conversation once about how not receiving would be a deal breaker for him (he had already had it from me so it wasn't an ultimatum).

I'd hate not to receive as well tbh. I didn't in my last relationship and it was just dull. DP likes doing it and I've realised what I missed all those years so yes, I'd find it very difficult to have another long term relationship without it.

@peachypeche To answer your question as to how anyone could not enjoy receiving...

As a man, a blow job that involves constant teeth grating is painful, accompanied by hardly any depth, barely getting the head in her mouth, done with zero enthusiasm and even less technique is one such scenario.

Hmm yes I didn't think about it being done badly ... with women I think it's more difficult to do it badly (or easier to do it fine). Admittedly bjs require thoughtful technique.

It's all very well saying glibly just leave the marriage & find someone who does like giving and/or receiving oral. But what if you've been married for 30 plus years & everything else apart from this issue is still good? People change.
Initially my wife & I were learning about making love as neither of us was very experienced. On this current topic she used to lie back & say: "Do something nice to me."
Our marriage has been completely sexless for years but I'm not going to throw away the happy, loving, caring relationship that share.
I could add more but, purely on this subject of oral sex, that's it. Finding someone else is not as easy as some people on here make it sound.

It was wrong to marry him, but you can walk away for any reason you see fit. I wouldn't be giving though if I wasn't recieving, I'm all for equality

Interesting that there are many replies here with “I can’t understand why he wouldn’t want to go down on you”, when there are so many women who refuse to give blowjobs.

Some of these replies are awful.

It is ok for anyone to assert their own sexual boundaries.
If it is a deal breaker to you then ideally confirm this before entering a full relationship.
If it changes during that relationship you have an option to leave if it is really that important to you although I am astounded someone would leave an otherwise healthy and happy union over oral sex.

But denigrating someone for not doing something sexually that they don’t want to is not on.

Finding someone else is not as easy as some people on here make it sound.

How true. And it's more difficult as you get older, only because more people are more set in their ways.