Does he have a low sex drive or is it me?

[morefun]

My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year and we are late 30s.

Before lockdown we were long distance and saw each other only at weekends, but he moved in with me when he was furloughed.

Since then, I have been really dissatisfied with the frequency of sex. We have sex about once every ten days. He has some problems with maintaining an erection, but that has been the case for a while and he had viagra. He has used them all and not bought any more, I am unsure why. He told me he just isn't feeling much sexual desire at the moment and is a bit down. I have not been initiating sex as it's clear he's not up for it and I don't want to add pressure.

I suppose my title is wrong here - he does have a low sex drive compared to me. I would prefer to have sex a few times a week. Is there anything that could help? I am loathe to just "talk about it" to him as he's said he's not feeling it at the moment, but wondered if there's anything else I could do to get him in the mood? I already masturbate, but it's not just sexual release I want. I want the relationship to be more sexual.

I've always had the higher sex drive in any relationship I have, I'd have it a few days if it I could. Maybe try getting some cute / sexy outfits and just come in the room dressed up. Maybe get some toys that you can use together may encourage him to get in the bedroom. I get what your saying it's all well and good sorting yourself out but it's the closeness intimacy that you crave and for me it just isn't the same. If you don't want to talk about it maybe just start kissing him and slide a hand down there and help get him in the mood

@morefun . There are literally loads of posts on here like yours. What I have never seen is one where they come back and it is resolved. If he had a low sex drive, then the only way to fix it might be testosterone supplements from the dr and no guarantee there. The only other thought is addiction to porn?

You might find cutting your losses might be the only solution. Prancing around in lingerie or outfits might just embarrass and upset you unless you were sure he would respond...and doesn't seem like you are. I know with total confidence if I dress up for DH I'm in for one hell of a fuck from him!

I wouldn't be happy with that either OP. I get cranky after 3 or 4 days . I've got quite a high drive and every 10 days or so is not going to cut it with me.

Men are pretty visual. Does he like you dressing up etc? If he does could that help to get him in the mood? Once I was faffing and sorting laundry in just my pants (can't remember why exactly but probably had an element of teasing in the back of my mind). DP still brings it up as one of his favourite images of me.

I'd sit down and have a discussion and say that this is bothering you and see where it goes. If it's an issue now then it's only going to get worse further down the line.

It is not you. Erectile issues, viagra, low sex drive.... and not even 40. That's not ideal.
I've been with a person like this altho his issue was delayed ejaculation not ED as such

It is soul destroying. eventually I ended up feeling really undesirable which was stupid because I have never had this issue with anyone else.

Does he masturbate much?

I think it is a fundamental, fatal incompatibility. Sorry :( That is, notwithstanding physical or psychological illness.