What does it mean to be brilliant in bed?

[YoyoRiot]

NC for this.

I read on other threads how people describe themselves as amazing in bed. What does this mean? Is it they are able to let themselves go and perform without inhibitions, or that they know they please their partner? Or could it mean they are adventurous?

If you think you are great between the sheets, how so?

Ok, I don't think I'm brilliant in bed, but together me and DP are. Does that make sense?

He gives me so much confidence that I completely lose all my inhibitions. When we're having sex he tells me how much he loves my body, how good it feels etc. Sounds corny but at the time it really isn't, and with a body that's produced two huge babies, had two c sections, breastfed said babies and still has a fuck load of stretch marks, it's what I need to hear. And it makes me confident enough to be good in bed with him because I'm not obsessing about whether he's looking at my wobbly bits.

His favourite thing is me being on top - and even though I'm not at all overweight I'd normally be so concerned about my stomach and my slightly deflated tits. But because I know he loves the bones of me, I can quite happily stay up there and watch him get his rocks off.

We're both obsessed with turning each other on. We take our time over each other. For example when he goes down on me he'll do it so slowly and rhythmically that I just lose control. There is never any rush, unlike some blokes I've been with who thinks my clitoris needs sand blasting with the palm of their hand. His body is so fucking beautiful that I could quite happily go down on him for hours.

I guess you could just call it good chemistry. The last man I was with humped away like a dog which made it bloody impossible for me to be any good in bed whatsoever.

I agree with @weareyoung. In addition, what makes DH so good is picking up on my mood at the time. So sometimes he will cuddle me, and give me a lovely massage where very gradually his hand will wonder and bring me to orgasm. Less often but enough times I just want him to be a little dominant with me...and well...just fuck me hard to the point I feel a little sore between my legs. Sorry if TMI

I don't think you can do that without them knowing you and being tuned into your wants and needs

I agree that chemistry is everything. I have to be with someone I trust, fancy and am comfortable with. That gives me the confidence in myself to be uninhibited.

I think it helps that DP and I are both adventurous so will try anything once without any negative judgment. We view our sex life a bit like a journey of discovery... we're learning together...and that requires open, honest communication.

Finally, we've been educating ourselves. Reading, talking to others and attending workshops on everything from pegging, sensual dance, overcoming jealousy, and shibari. I've signed him up for a "pussy massage" class next month!

@PinotPony Where are you finding these educational classes and workshops??!

app.killingkittens.com/events
Basic membership - think it's about £20 a year - gets you access to the group chats and then you pay £10-£20 for any workshops you want to do.
I just upgraded my membership - £8.99 a month - and get the workshops free which is worth it at the mo as I'm doing so many in lockdown!

I think brilliant will mean different things to different people depending on their preferences.

As a man, a brilliant sexual partner for me would be someone with equal drive, where there is a real chemistry and spark, where they show enthusiasm and confidence, the physical ability to do a variety of positions, are able to give a good blow job, know what they want and are't afraid to ask for it or give direction, get sufficiently wet and orgasm via PIV. That would be 'brilliant' in bed.

Probably couldn't have put it better myself, PrawnS.

As I do adore ministering to my man in every way possible, my ideal sex has to involve getting the same back (with the same enjoyment). Selfless blow jobs are all very well, but if no reciprocity then they can be a bit sad after a while.

I embrace the male body as my own, and brilliant sex is where the man does the same with me. Total immersion, fusion, and communication on all levels.

(sounds idealistic?! Well we are defining our 'perfect'!)

Oh, and kissing.

PS. I would never ever say 'I'm brilliant in bed'. That sounds so cold and quite stupid. Boastful and also possibly hard to live up to!

Brilliant sex is anything where you are both on the same wave length.

I think its simply down to sexual compatibility and nothing more.

You can give the best oral sex on the planet but if your partner doesn't enjoy it...

Some are more adventurous than others so potentially more exciting. But again if your partner isnt into xyz exciting becomes daunting.

For me it would be a guy who knew my body well and knew how to bring me to orgasm.

Knowing the body and mind of the opposite sex is fundamental. The letting go of preconceived ideas from societal conditioning about the sexual act. To be uninhibited. In Eastern philosophies there are no hang ups, think Tantra, Kama Sutra etc.

These philosophies have been watered down by the West and used wrongly.
In Tantra somatics it is possible to give each other orgasms without touching each other.
So IMO it is about education and neither sex receives that education in life.
However it is possible to learn :) If you so desire

@noego

So you're saying it is possible for a woman to give me an orgasm without even touching me?

I'll not hold my breath.

@PrawnSacrifice

I wouldn't hold your breath....

It takes years of learning and practice to understand the body mind through spiritual teaching an understanding of the chakras, the pudendal nervous system and the undoing of conditioning as well as being able to tune into the sexual energy of the inner goddess

Good luck with that.

Those who claim to be brilliant in bed are usually tripping over their own ego!

Lol starlight lady. Yes while on tinder I learned to be dubious of those making those claims. As with those above it’s all about chemistry in bed. Chemistry out of bed doesn’t always translate. But I do love eye contact when having a great time.

I think you can be brilliant with the right sort of partner. Brilliant to me would be completely uninhibited and completely into me.

I wouldn’t say myself or husband were amazing in bed but we are amazing together. We often climax at the same time, can switch each other on with a touch or a look, can enjoy everything from slow and sensual to hard and rough. We like to experiment but don’t push if one of us isn’t keen on something and we talk a lot during with regards to what we want each other to do or simple to encourage something we are already enjoying. Got to say I love sex with him even after 20 years of relationship.

Totally agree with posters who have mentioned being able to pick up on the mood you're in. Someone can have all the moves but if they can't just tell what type of sex you want, that's a problem...