Can you restore lost sex drive?

[married50male]

So like so many others here my wife's sex drive has dwindled over the years, although when we have sex it is good for both of us she just doesn't get the spontaneous lust she once did, and having entered menopause she admits she has almost completely lost her libido. She still enjoys sex when we have it, though it takes a lot of time for her to get going, and we have agreed to scheduled sex once a week - she doesn't want spontaneous sex and I think both of us quite like the anticipation of a weekly "date". She gets easily distracted and is often stressed - more so now that she's in menopause - so we take our time and relax and have a nice meal and a drink to get into a more romantic mood which does help. I've introduced her to toys to spice things up and she really enjoys that (though would have balked at the idea five years ago), but at the end of the day she still feels that if I didn't initiate it she would happily go without sex entirely. We have a good, loving relationship and it's very balanced when it comes to the housework, so I'm fairly sure she's not harbouring resentments about me not pulling my weight etc. I still find her incredibly attractive and often give her hugs and kisses, though I try not to be too sexual as she hates that when she's not in the mood. We try to go away once a year just the two of us to celebrate our anniversary and then we always have a great time, so with the right circumstances she can feel sexual still. But once a year isn't enough! Even though she says she would be happy without sex, she also feels sad that she's lost her libido and we are both hoping that somehow it will return, at least to some degree, once she's out of menopause. I can't help suspecting that if we divorced and she met someone else it would come back, but neither of us want that option. I'd even consider opening the marriage if that helped but she has zero interest in that.

So do you have any tips or experience of how to regain a lost sex drive, or once lost is it gone forever? We're both in our early 50s and my sex drive is still strong, I'm not ready to give up on sex any time soon.

I discussed feeling like this with a private gynaecologist I trust a lot and she suggested I try Androfem which is a Testosterone product formulated especially for menopausal women. It didn't turn me into a nymph overnight but it definitely gave me more libido - the menopause had obliterated it despite being on HRT. Sadly Androfem is only available via private prescription. Your message sounds very kind and caring, but ultimately it is up to her to seek some support if she feels she needs it.

I think she has to feel that sex is important. It IS important for her health and well-being, but she needs to prioritise it.

I'd suggest good daily exercise, self-grooming and care like indulgent bathing, vitamin D 1000IU per day, and sensual massage sessions together.

I mean just you massaging her hands, and then her yours, with cream. Or backs. Or faces. She gently rubs cream into your face. Strokes your eyebrows. Your cheeks. Ear lobes. Makes that contact with you.

She needs to remember who she is, and who you are. Periods have nothing to do with that core of each of you. You are both still there.

I think she needs to get her head round this.