Bringing another person into the bedroom - insight please?

[notmyfirstpost]

NC as I don't want it linked to my other threads - been around since pre Sistine screamer.

Discussing threesomes.
Me and my partner have been having discussions about the downfalls of bringing another person into the bedroom.
He is leaning towards the fact it never works and never goes away in your head and is likely to lead to a relationship breakdown - I don't disagree but I think it's possible to do it and it work for you if you have a very deep level of trust with your SO and are also very self confident in yourself (and your so in themselves) as a person in that you won't feel insecure or intimidated/jealous of the third partner and the rules are made clear from the start.

DP said he has never read/heard about it working for any couple long term and I thought it would be interesting to post on here to see what insight others have into the subject and if the majority agree with DP in that it never really works or if it can absolutely be done and the relationship can remain unharmed or is there downfalls we haven't considered?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

I was the third person in a relationship for just over a year. I held the couple in very high esteem and there were no issues of jealousy that I could detect. Our situation changed because I met the woman who is now my partner. Even now, 18 years later, if I am in their area I drop in unannounced and am always welcomed. It can work if done properly.

Sounds like he isn't interested OP so doubt it would work in your case. I think he is trying to communicate that to you indirectly.

My view is that it can work, but only if certain things are in place in the pre-existing relationship around strong basic trust and a clarity and shared understanding of the boundaries.

The reason why so many times it does not work is that it is often brought in to try and salvage a troubled relationship where the trust is not there and/or boundaries are not clear or are deliberately broken by one of the parties.

It definitely isn't something that would interest me.

@Hopoindown31 we aren't really considering it just having a debate, we've both stumbled upon some articles recently which prompted it.

I personally think you need to have a really trusting relationship and be very open with each other, also you each individually need to be really happy and confident in yourselves/your worth, appearance and so on so that no resentment/jealousy starts to creep in. I do think the idea of it is more exciting to people than the actual reality of seeing your partner with another person/have another person join in and lots of people are unprepared for that and sometimes rush in and then regret it.

I think first and foremost you need to be the type of person who doesn’t care if your partner sleeps with someone else otherwise all the trust in the world wont help you.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the majority of successful open or swinging relationships come about then both parties are already into that lifestyle when they meet. Starting from scratch is full of risks imho.

It is likely to b useful - perhaps - as a fantasy.

That said in my long life I have known two instances of what is now known as "poly" I believe where there were three people in a relationship in one house for a very long time

@notmyfirstpost

I am thinking about this aswell. Sex has dried up with my dh. However my sex drive is through the roof now. Don't know what he would think. Also I have never been with a woman but do find the idea interesting

I don't think it has anything to do with trust issues, because it generally means, that a couple are into wanting a threesome experience, for their own personal reasons.Most people would surely know,if they were going to see their partner with another person sexually.if it would worry them or not.

It always seems odd, that some couples wan't to go down this road, even though they might have a good relationship.. But the world is full of people who have different views about their sexual preferences.

We are swingers and have a lot of swinging friends. The idea that is never works is just plain false. I think in cases where it is not one partner pressuring the other, you would never even get to that stage without the required trust so if you get that far together, you are on pretty safe ground.

That said, we've been to clubs before and seen people where its obvious one partner (usually the man but not always) is well into it and the other isn't. They are normally avoided like the plague and are the ones arguing at the end of the night.

Theres other ways of going about it rather than just jumping straight into bed with a 3rd. You can take baby steps and see how you feel. For us, or sex life has never been better and we love each other more than ever. We have never had a single issue of jealousy and will continue as long as we enjoy it.

These days, theres not much we haven't tried so feel free to ask anything you like.

I’ve name changed but I’m a long time lurker.

My DH and I agreed around 12 months ago to introduce another man into our sex life. The cuckold scenario appealed to is both and we made some ground rules before joining Fab swingers.

Initially we had a lot of interest but it took nearly 3 months to find someone we were both comfortable with and who was comfortable with us.

Initially we played as a three but now I meet my make friend alone although not during the Covid restrictions.

The sex between DH and I is much better and feels more spontaneous, almost as though it’s our secret that binds us together. My friend is happy as he’s single but has a regular sexual partner and also a friend as we often go for a drink etc as a three.

I think you need to have some very clear rules in place not just about what you want from introducing a third party but also what sort of person you want. I also think it’s important that everyone understands the boundaries beforehand etc