I'm rubbish in bed

[Momtot]

(Sorry it's long, I've not gathered my thoughts about this before..)

Hi, changed my name for this as it's a little embarrassing, but basically I've become shit in bed and just can't seem to fix it.

A little background, I've been with my partner for 4 years and we are currently pregnant with baby number 3 (no judgement on that please, we've known each other for 14 years), very happy family and relationship. Before I was with him I'd had numerous sexual partners (wild years at uni) and always had good feedback and really enjoyed sex, felt like I was good at it.
When I first started dating DH the sex was great too, and he told me numerous times that I was good and I often took the lead or went on top, it's bad to say but I actually felt like I was teaching him a thing or two. However, for the last maybe 18-24 months or so, probably since our second was born, I KNOW I'm crap.

I have a high sex drive still so I initiate it almost every time and I enjoy it still, but only when he takes the lead or is ontop. I rarely go ontop anymore for fear of embarrassing myself or being shit. And when I do I know he doesn't enjoy it as much, I get tired quickly and he never finishes with me on top so we have to switch positions for him to finish.
I also feel like I can't kiss well anymore! It's like I've just forgotten what to do. Has anyone experienced this before?

I went on top last night for the first time in months and felt so embarrassed that I cried after (he didn't know) and have woken up feeling upset and horrible.

I want to get back to how I was but just can't seem to remember what to do! It's probably partly confidence related because my body has changed so much since having kids, when we got together I was a toned size 8 with big perky boobs and now I'm flabby, over weight with saggy boobs and stretch marks everywhere. I see my DH as way above my league, he is still toned and very attractive. I constantly worry that if I don't up my game I'll drive him to go and find good sex somewhere else.

Any words of advice?

I wish I had words of advice but I feel the same. I feel like I'm rubbish on top, I can never get a rhythm going and when my DH grabs my hips or moves instead while I'm in the position it makes me think he thinks I'm crap too and that knocks my confidence. I actually think a fair amount of women feel like this. We see women being amazing on top in films and think we are doing it wrong.
Also if we feel less that skinny this position is a cracker for revealing our stomachs and sagging boobs (I may be projecting! )
But I bet we aren't crap at all!

I see nothing wrong with having to change positions for him to finish. It's not a reflection on you. We all have different angles, levels of friction etc that are needed and what position works for one person on that day might not work for the other. I'm sure he's enjoying the journey.

Hi OP, I'm sure lots of people - both men and women - have felt as you do, either now or at some point in the past. Bodies changing, tiredness from looking after children, feeling more self conscious being naked now after changes from pregnancy. What I'm trying to say is that how you feel is probably the same for many people, you're not alone.
It's not unusual to need to change positions though, with me on top my DH sometimes finds it easier to finish through doggy or him on top - maybe because he can control the tempo?
What I would say is talk to your husband about how you're feeling - all of it, about how you feel conscious about your body, how you feel regarding being on top, worries about him "being out of your league". This conversation is best had out of the bedroom at a time when you are both relaxed and have time to talk. Honestly even if you find it bone crushingly embarrassing, talking about it is the way through - I speak from experience here.
And kissing and other intimate moments, these get better from doing them more, which I know is hard to hear when you're worried about them, but talk and decide how to go forward - a night when you can both just cuddle and kiss each other on the sofa, another time when you can kiss and lightly touch each other through clothes? Building up to it almost, building up more experiences and intimacy.
Good luck OP, I've been in your situation and the best thing my DH and I did was to talk, and keep talking.

Being good in bed is all about confidence, try to love yourself again and boost your confidence!
I know how you feel I went through a stage after having my 2nd child of having no body confidence , I was tired, felt like I was no good in bed. I now have my confidence back and sex is as good as it once was

it's a pity as I always had a big increase in libido during pregnancy! You may also be feeling more vulnerable and hormonal, don't be hard on yourself. Your partner should be tender and understanding at this time.

Sex without proper communication is never as good as it could be. Talk to him, ask him what feels good, what he wants to do, etc. Be honest with yourself also and tell him what you need him to do to get you there