Impotence

[Mooninthesky]

Not sure where to turn so thought I'd ask you guys.

My bf has impotency issues that he won't talk about. It's now reached the point where each night he preempts the situation by either saying he's got a headache, he's tired or something along those lines and it's leaving me incredibly frustrated mentally. I feel that we can work on it together but he won't discuss it at all when I've tried to talk to him. We have a great relationship otherwise but I feel this has really come between us like a big elephant in the room.

We've been together almost 2 years and he's suffered from impotence to a degree for all of that time. We've spoken about it once in the early days when he said that he'd been like it his whole life. But since that time he's clammed up.

I've sort of given up trying to approach him physically and am finding it hard to broach the subject.

I don't want to throw away what we have but I'm finding that it's spilling over into my thoughts on a regular basis and it's getting hard to deal with

Any ideas on how I can try to resolve this round be great. Thank you 😊

Sorry to say this, but you cannot solve this problem; it has to be him. You might be able to pave the way to his solving it, but the desire to solve has to come from him.

If he will not talk to you about the situation, then it is highly unlikely that he will talk to his GP. That has to be the first step though, as any medical causes for his impotence need to be eliminated before potential psychological issues can be tackled. If he cannot be persuaded to consult his GP, then I fear the writing is very much on the wall.

You have a simple binary choice: either you persist with the relationship, and all that follows from that, or you end it. It may be that a statement from you that you have reached the end of your tether and that the relationship will finish unless he does something positive to rectify things might be the catalyst he needs. If he chooses to do nothing, then you move on. I would say that misery is the only result if you do nothing and just carry on as you are.

We pass this way only once, and life is far too short to waste in dead-end relationships. We deserve to be happy, and ultimately we are responsible for our own happiness.

Best wishes.

Thank you. What you've said makes absolute sense so this weekend when we're freed up I'll have a chat with him about it and see where it leads.
Appreciate your time

I feel like I could have written some of this myself.

My husband has definitely started the interview tired', 'I don't feel well' and it's like I can sense it coming now. I raised it to him and he got defensive so I've left

Cut off!

I've left him to it that should say. We have been together 5 years, married one, I'm his first partner that he's had full sex with, and he's quite inexperienced. We had a few mild issues about 3-4 years ago which we overcame fairly easily. This tome, it just seems to be one vicious circle and it's started to affect me. We are TTC No 2, and 18 months in we've had sex/he's managed to get off once in that time. It's so disheartening which I don't mean to sound selfish, but I just don't know what else to do. He's a massive doctor phobe so that's out, we did get viagra from online pharmacy which helped to a degree but it's not a permanent solution.

I also feel like we're lacking affection, we hardly kiss/cuddle currently. I think we both just feel a little lost :(

It's a spiral. You have issues. Then you worry about the issues. This becomes a bigger issue than the original issue. Which you then worry about.

You start to avoid even commencing anything as you just know it won't work.

He needs to see someone about it.

You need to be brutally honest about it. He may have a thing about the gp but he really should have a thing about the very real risk of losing you.

Has to be his call and his decision makes your mind up for you.

Thank you for your thoughts everyone. It’s so good to know there are people out there.
Update I took the bull by the horns so to speak and came out with what’s bothering. I started out with asking him how it made him feel that we don’t have full intimacy in our relationship. I was surprised at how easy it was to ask and why I’d been putting it off for so long. We had a long chat and although he has said that he won’t go to the doctor he has agreed to look for a sex therapist. So fingers crossed he’ll follow through.
I feel so much better in myself for not thinking it’s my fault, that I’m unattractive etc. so now it’s over to him to try to sort himself out. Thanks again everyone

Please speak to him. It took me ages to pluck up the courage but now I’ve done it I feel better for it. Good luck

Mooninthesky, a big well done to you for plucking up the courage to start the communication.

Hope it goes well for you.

Reading this kind of made me laugh as I thought women couldn't be impotent? But she always has a headache, tired, etc