Pretty sure I'm shit at sex

[oneforsorrow29]

As the title says really....

Sorry in advance if this is tmi.

I have always had pretty rubbish sex lives. With the exception of my dc father my other long term relationships have always gone through phases of very irregular and sometimes frankly bad sex. My current partner who I'm engaged to has a lower libido than me so we don't do it often but when we do it's always the same position (me on top ) and I feel like I don't have the best rhythm or movement. He hasn't said anything but tends to try to move me around a bit. And without being graphic I always have to finish him with my hand.

I'm starting to feel like I'm the problem here. I'm not sexually confident. I wish I could have some allure or sass about me but it's just not me. I'm fairly happy with a vanilla sex life but it feels like I'm not even very good at that and maybe my rubbish sexual history has been due to me being crap!

Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex with my partner but I feel like he's not enjoying it and that puts me on edge.

I don't think you are shit at sex. Some guys just can't climax through penetration at all. But if your unsure maybe try and watch a few videos online for some pointers that's what I do. Obvs these vids aren't really life etc but good to see. Also I'd may try suggesting different positions so the sex becomes more varied. As much as I like being on top it can become boring and it's nice to mix things up. But again I don't think you are the problem at all it takes 2 to tango as they say.

@Littlemix1 Thanks I just feel like I've either had a lot of bad luck sexually or I'm the problem here. I feel so paranoid about it now that I struggle to even talk about it with him. I know it's important to be open and that's the only way it will improve but my confidence is so low now I feel like I'd rather just avoid the issue.

Bless well I personally don't think your the problem. A relationship is 2 sided and sounds like you have only been with guys where you have pretty much had to do all the work. And you had said your current partner has a low libido which I think is what the issue is here nothing what your doing wrong. Hard when your confidence is low and you feel you can't discuss but I'd maybe buy a toy or something to bring to the bedroom or next time you start to get passionate and leading to sex just whisper or say to him can you do x y z and if he does just say after how great it was and could we look at doing new things to spice things up. May be awkward to start the conversation but once it's initiated it will flow. Hopefully this helps and makes sense

Avoiding the issue will only cause it to get bigger. Its possible he's feeling the same as you and scared to bring it up. Maybe sit down with a glass (or bottle) of wine if it helps you relax a bit and just say tomhom you'd like to spice things up, slip into something sexy to show him you mean it. Once you've broke the boundaries things should hopefully improve and instead of you been on top get into.a position you want him to take you from and introduce sex toys.

Excuse the pun "but it takes two to tango" seems like you partners haven't been too willing to dance! Maybe try to get him more involved and suggest so ideas you'd both like to try so you both get full enjoyment and satisfaction.

@saleorbouy

Absolutely

Thank you guys. Feeling slightly reassured but still questioning my skills or lack thereof! I just see how other women can have that sexy dominating presence and it's not so not me. I don't even like dressing up in nice underwear. The only time I lose my inhibitions is after a few glasses of wine but even then I don't think my prowess or rhythm is particularly good in the bedroom.

I don't think you are shit at sex either. Its all about confidence, and making sure you are getting the most out of your sex life. I used to think i was rubbish aswell, but as I've gotten older, I'm less afraid of asking or telling partners what I want. And that is a big turn on for men. Also I am unwilling to put up with rubbish sex. Luckily, me and DP have a great sex life, but it has taken some work and a lot of talking and direction to get here! Not that he was bad to start with, but everyone likes different things. Work out what you like, and make sure you get it! Once you can enjoy sex, you won't feel like you are rubbish at all ❤

Why is it always you on top? Does he never make an effort? Do you come or it is only him?

It's like we've just got into a rut and do the same thing everytime. It's good but boring. I always enjoy it but I feel like my movements aren't doing a lot for him as i always have to finish him manually shall we say

I definitely lack confidence and if I felt I was a bit more alluring to him then maybe I'd feel more confident to suggest new things. It's been this way for a long time and neither of us are very good at talking abut it. Considering we have a great relationship otherwise, it seems such a shame that our sex life is so bland and doesn't feel natural if that makes sense :(

[man here] Everyone is different, every couple is different in terms of what they like and enjoy sexually and what works for them. In an ideal world they communicate these preferences to each other for their mutual satisfaction. It sounds like you and your partner are not communicating and you need to work at improving that. In terms of you being on top not making him cum, I find that having my partner on top of me doesn't really work for me either in terms of orgasm. I enjoy that position very much as I can see her and it works for her pleasure as she controls the movement but it does not really work for me as it doesn't give the stimulation to the head of my cock that I need to cum. So it's one of the positions we'll use in a lovemaking session, but not the only one.

I find I have to move quite fast to get my DH to finish if I’m on top. I just move backwards and forwards, not much to it really; it seems to work!

Get him to sit up and wrap your arms around him when you’re on top. That’s always a winner for us.

From a mans point of view, whilst rocking and grinding may be what helps pleasure the woman, it may not stimulate the man very much.

If the woman is on top, I tend to need lots of full movement up and down - not just an inch or two, I need almost all the way out to all the way back in again, and over a good period of time and at a reasonably fast pace (think space hopper).

Not everyone can be good at everything. As long as you're trying your best. I can't paint very well but I still enjoy doing it.

Try some other positions! If he likes you on top try reverse cowgirl. It sounds to me like you know what what you're doing!

@BubblyBarbara I love your response, its so true 😊

My man doesn't often come inside me - he's older (60s) & says he's much less sensitive than when he was younger.

He gets really turned on when I'm on top but there usually isn't quite enough friction / speed to get him there - I hardly ever come on top either as I usually need to play with myself too & there isn't room for my hand as well.

Once we've had enough fucking, we tend to finish with masturbation, sometimes mutual, sometimes simultaneous. No complaints from either of us.

I'm sure you're not bad at sex. Enthusiasm is a turn on & talk to your partner - yes it can be embarrassing but let's face it, no-one died of embarrassment