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Getting a third

9 replies

Serehawk · 10/05/2020 06:29

Background: I am currently 21 weeks pregnant. In the past few weeks sex drive has tripled. DH and I have been together 9 years, married for 2.

In the early years we had talked about getting a female to join us, but at the time I got very jealous of just the idea that we put a halt to it and haven't talked about it since.

Since my sex drive has been going crazy with the baby hormones the thought of having another female with us is intriguing me.

I asked DH if he ever thought about adding another female in with us for sex. For info I am DH only one. He was virgin when we met.

DH is into the idea, but only if I want to. He says I'm enough.

We have talked about it randomly over the last few weeks. What we would like, not like that kind of stuff. We have agreed that boundaries of what we will and wont do will be set.

-We both approve who we bring in.
-We must both get tested for STD, as we are also going to ask the third to get tested. So it is only right we do as well.

  • We get a prepaid phone for initial contact.(would obviously give private numbers if all parties really liked each other).
    - We only talk to any potential people together.
  • We meet potential in person before to make sure everyone is comfortable with what we all want to experience. We want to discuss limits and boundaries so we all enjoy it

    As I said, I am pregnant due in September. So none of this will take place till atleast December or January at the earliest (if not in lockdown then).

    Am I going to change how I feel by then? The more DH and I talk the more interested I see him getting. We have talked about what type of female we both find attractive. DH has also expressed interest in intercourse with the third since I am his one and only. Right now I find the idea of him with someone else while I am also there playing turns me on.

    Will this feeling change? I honestly want to experience this with him. I have never had a threesome either.

    Should I worry that this will hurt our marriage? Or am I just stressing over something that wont happen till the distant future and need to calm down and just enjoy the thought?

    Any thoughts, ideas, tips would be greatly appreciated.
OP posts:
xpc316e · 10/05/2020 08:17

Please be aware that people will potentially post adverse comments on you, your morals, and your possible plans. They are not you, so remember that. It does seem however that you are looking at this adventure with both eyes open and with a very sensible head on - well done for doing that.

Things may well change because of hormones, baby's arrival, etc., but if it all works out I wish you good luck.

R2519 · 10/05/2020 10:03

Funnily enough OP my wife and I have often talked about this. She is interested in being with another woman. I have done it before many years ago and would like to do it again but only if she would. Its totally up to her. She, like you has weighed up the pros and cons. Mostly talk at this stage but we will see what the future holds.

In regards to whether you should or no, only you can decide. You have to have complete trust with each other and have boundaries. A safe word even. If you are not comfortable with certain things then talk to your OH about it. For example....some people say no kissing or no anal etc. Setting boundaries is important.

One thing you could try to break the ice is meeting with another couple and having sex in the same room whilst they do the same. Not swapping partners though. It will give you an idea of whether other people in the same room as you would be something you'd be able to do.

R2519 · 10/05/2020 10:05

@Serehawk.....if you don't mind me asking, have you ever been with another woman before or would this be a first for you as well as your DH second, id that makes sense?

ClaryFray · 11/05/2020 21:49

You need to talk about what you can offer the women. Be upfront about what you want. If it is just a sex object, then I'd considering paying a professional.

Lots of couples hunt unicorns, but not many find them because many want a women to have a kinky night with and then discard. You need to remember this is a women with her own feelings and not a toy to give you a night of fun :) have fun

BooFuckingHoo2 · 12/05/2020 11:52

I think you’ll find there’s a serious shortage of single women wanting to be a couple’s plaything.

TheOtherSideOfTheMountain · 12/05/2020 15:03

I used to do this back in my uni days and loved it, so there are single women who's a fairly safe way of getting to experience lots of people as couples generally aren't out to hurt you (physically). From my experience, the challenge was finding attractive couples! Lots of them were a little delusional about their own attractiveness vs what they were looking for in a play fellow. Now married, DH not into the idea

Otterhound · 12/05/2020 23:22

My ex’s already high libido went through the roof from about 20 to 30 weeks.
Then unsurprisingly crashed post partum.
I think one thing people over look is that a high libido can make people more daring - and when it falls off things they did in the past are no longer appealing.

So if a 3 way didnt massively appeal before this it will appeal even less on you have a young baby - you might not even want sex for 6-12 months!

So I’d tread very carefully if I were you.

1forAll74 · 13/05/2020 01:10

It's kind of odd that you would contemplate this, whilst having a new baby . Plus all the rules of the game that you have stated, you are going to be very very busy.

TheOtherSideOfTheMountain · 13/05/2020 10:37

oh wow I'd missed the fact that you intend to do this after having baby, not before! Yes, completely agree to be careful that this isn't a heightened libido fantasy. Plus confidence about your body etc needs to be particularly high for a 3 way....which it generally isnt shortly after giving birth...

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