Sex in a marriage

[Marriagenosex]

Hi there, have name-changed as SIL knows I come on here. I have thought about writing this post a lot because I'm at the end of my tether.

DH and I do not have a good sex life. We both want to have sex and i want to enjoy it but for some reason that doesn't happen.

We've got 2 kids under 5, my father has recently passed away but to be honest the sex has always been perfunctory I suppose.

I'm at a stage in my life where I'm looking at the years ahead and thinking maybe I will never have sex even once that is enjoyable.

I don't know whether this is a problem with me or him or if it's fixable.

Don't know what else to add really - I guess I'm asking if anyone is in the same boat?

I think it is difficult to answer really given the lack of details. Is it you are not having sex very often, or what you do (or don't do) in bed, or both.

It sounds like you want to be a little more adventurous and enjoy more but tricky to help you otherwise?

No we don't have it often. When we do it is awkward and I find it upsetting how disconnected we seem to be.

He thinks we need to have it more to get past that.

Well, having more sex may not be the answer, but having even less sex than you are at present is almost certainly not going to put things right.

Parenting young children is exhausting and grief after the loss of a parent is very hard for many of us. The grief cannot be rushed and only time will allow you to work through it. I think most people's sex life would suffer under the circumstances.

When you say that it is awkward when you have sex, what precisely do you mean?

It just doesn't run smoothly. It doesn't feel genuine, and from my perspective it feels like something I need to do rather than want to do.

Behind that though I do want to have sex - just not the sex I'm having right now.

Can I ask if you are both shy? Do you feel inhibited? Are there things you would like, or want him to do to you but feel embarrassed or don't want to talk to him to ask?

You should feel at your stage a want/ache to touch him and be touched. Do you have that?

kids deffo affect the mood and ability to have intimacy at the drop of a hat and having to plan around them isnt much of a turn on.

speak to your husband about how you can improve your sex life, what do you both want from it.