I just don't like sex

[MrsG2017]

I've come to think I just don't like sex.
Or is it I just don't like sex with my husband 😱

We've been together 12 years married 7 and have a toddler just three years old.

We moved to NZ 6years ago and are desperately unhappy here which has led to my hubby having terrible depression. He ruminates and will play over and over the mistake of selling up and coming. Like every second conversation all day everyday for the last six years.

I say this because I think this has a huge part on me not wanting sex. Is that bad? I just don't find it attractive.

I also work full time in a really senior role and do most of the childcare I.e I do all the preschool drop offs, I get up to our son every morning (have not had a lie in in three years. Hubby works for himself has about two clients a week and that's it but I never challenge. We also have no family here so we have never had a night away and even meals out are rare. We are tired I get that.

Anyway I have found lately that I just don't want sex so much so that I dread him asking or even if I make myself then there have been occasions where I just can't bear him touching me.

How awful is that! I love him but I couldn't care if I never had sex again ..... does anyone else feel like that?

I empathise. My ex partner was all about the sex and he would go on and on and on about it like it's the only and most important thing in a relationship. The constant nagging made me even less attracted to the idea. I just didn't feel the need to do it, had no desire. He's gone now and I hope he's having lots of lovely sex with his new partner, at least I don't have to!!!!!

Sex in a relationship is bound up with emotion. If a partner is behaving in a way that is unattractive then it's bound to put a barrier up with the sex side of things. Of course sex isn't the be all and end all but is important enough for a lot of people to be a deal breaker and that's absolutely fair enough. If both partners can accept a relationship without sex then that's fair enough but if the balance is tilted in one direction then that could be a problem. It's something that needs to be talked about even though it is obviously a sensitive subject. With your husband having depression, has that had an effect on his desire in that area?

As humans we are programmed to enjoy sex; if it were not so, we wouldn't have populated the planet to the extent we have. Therefore, I reckon that it's sex with your husband that isn't enjoyable for you.

There are people who claim to be asexual, but they are very rare in my experience. You don't seem to be asexual as there is a hint in your post that you did not always feel the way you now do.

To be honest, I think I'd go off sex with him if I were in your place.

He's preoccupied, distracted, full of angst...you are fed up, feel undervalued and are sick to death of hearing his go on and on....plus you're both tired.

hardly the recipe for mind blowing sex.

I don't think you've gone off sex. Life has become a drag though it seems...and emotions/situations etc all filter through to how sexy we feel.

Do you feel horny at all, ever? Or just nothing when you look at hubby?

You both need to sit down and really discuss your options to change your situation or it will destroy your marriage. You are both full of regrets and resentment and feel trapped. If you start working through so possible solutions you may find that there are things you can do to change.

OP, can you/do you bring yourself to climax? This doesn’t sound to me as if it’s not liking sex, it’s not liking the sex you are having. Have you experienced many “bed friends”?

Quality sex is about passion and the sharing of bodies. Take that away and you are left with very little.

Quite honestly when I was married nothing would have turned me off more than a moaning minnie who didn't pull his weight.
This sounds like the situation here.
If I was in your situation I'd be doing my utmost best to enjoy my new country and really get into the community and make the most of the sea and the stunning landscape.
I would not be moaning everyday like your husband.
He needs to start pulling his weight with regards to the family.
I wouldn't fancy him either.

From what you have said, I wouldn't want to have sex with your husband either.

Tell him to get his finger out of his arse.

You must be shattered carrying all that load.