Partners fetish

[myrtletheturtle45]

I found out some time ago that my fiancé of 5 years has a certain fetish. It's nothing majorly weird but a bit taboo. I don't think he ever would have actually told me about it or wanted to have me involved in it had I not happened to see his browser history one fateful day. I asked him about it and he sheepishly told me it was a kink he's always had. He didn't want to tell me as it's embarrassing and he thought I'd find it weird.

I'm fine with this. It's not something that does anything for me and we haven't tried it together. It's been loosely mentioned but never with any real conviction. My issue is that our own sex life is boring and irregular. I'm talking once a month. He puts it down to low sex drive and I know he has viagra (again found by chance not something he was open about with me).

But I looked at his iPad again today and can see over the past few weeks he's been sporadically looking at videos of his fetish in the middle of the day and to be honest I feel now like his sexual desires are probably more ingrained in this than I first thought. I don't know if he's doing more than looking, it would be quite risky with me in the house and able to burst in at any time! But if he can look at videos yet only manage to be intimate with me once a month it doesn't say much.

Has anyone any experience of this? Other than this the relationship is good and he's a good man. I get that people can't help what turns them on but I feel like I'm always going to be second best sexually. I want to be able to communicate more but he doesn't seem open to discussing it.

Bump

What's the fetish ?

You very obviously need to speak to him again.

I don't know what his fetish is but you don't sound too freaked out by it, so is this something you could bring into your sex life? It would probably mean he would be more interested..no reflection on you, it's just what floats his boat so to speak

He clearly wants this and is having to suppress that. Hiding things like this can sometimes lead to people doing things they shouldn't..seeking out others who are into the same thing. If he knows it can be incorporated into sex at home with you - sometimes - it may perk things up? Emphasis on "sometimes" here....it cannot be allowed to take over and that's where you'll need to control it.

I didn't really want to go into too much detail but I suppose it's relevant so the fetish is messy foods, gunge, slime - I believe it's called sploshing

So no it's not horrendous. But practically maybe not the easiest thing to execute at home either. And when I have tried to discuss it I feel like it's not being enthusiastically received. I mean it's not something I would be confident to do but for him I would be open to trying it but it seems to me he wants to keep fantasy and reality separate. I would be ok with that if our own sex life was better but I'm starting to feel like he prefers this.

My main concern is the lack of communication. It's like anything sex related it taboo. I know things because I've found out by chance not because he's been open with me and that doesn't sit well.

A lot of people want to keep their fantasy life separate from everything else and that is of course OK but not if real life sex is rubbish.

Why won't he talk? Is he embarrassed? Have you tried sploshing yet? If not then I am guessing he is worried about how it will all go. I'm speculating of course...but this is a toughie if he won't open up to you.

No we haven't. And I don't think he ever would have told me about it if I hadn't found out myself.

It's becoming quite upsetting. I'm no prude and I would be willing to give it a go for him if he wanted. But he hasn't made any attempt to show that's what he wants or improve our 'vanilla' sex life either. Just feels like he's more into this.

At least you could try and talk to him about it, if you are not afraid of him being a bit put out about you finding out about it other than him telling you about it.. I think this is quite a popular fantasy with some people, according to what I have read, and seen on a few tv sex programmes.

Is it? I can't quite get my head around it. It just seems really silly to me. I can't get what's so sexy about being covered in food they just look ridiculous. On one occasion after a few drinks we watched some of his videos together but other than that there's been no engagement or talk of it.

We are meant to be getting married next June and frankly the bad sex life but more so the lack of communication is making me question things. I feel terrible for even thinking that because i really do love him but it feels like he is happily seeing to himself with his own fantasies while I'm left wanting a better sex life for the pair of us.

Scientific research suggests that men get desensitised to normal sex if they look at porn and this is more extreme than that. It sounds like informal no longer works for him. He may need counselling. There are loads of podcasts (though mainly American) on this. I would think carefully about marrying this man. X

Not informal, sorry. It sounds like *normal no longer works for him.

Yes this is my fear.

I get the impression that this kink has been part of his sexuality for many years. Long before I met him. Reading between the lines I feel like is probably what does it for him which is maybe why he needs the additional help of viagra with me.

I feel like he sees sex with me as a loving intimate act and maybe the fetish stuff as a naughty thing just for him. I can live with that but I just wish there was a bit more communication.

Do not get married to this man until this is sorted. Any relationship that is already struggling with communication, sex, and honesty between partners is not going to be be turned into a success by a wedding ceremony.

Why not just get the food out and have a laugh? Its actually really good fun. X

@Solomon1212 I really wouldn't know where to start I'm not a prude it's just unfamiliar territory to me. Ideally I'd like him to initiate but as I said it feels like he doesn't really want to bring it into our sex life.

I had an ex who was really in to it. Its not my thing but it was fun.
I just put on some sexy undies and walked in with a trifle 🤣🤣🤣. No stopping him then.
At end of it ive been on both sides as i had another ex who just had no interest which is really hurtful and sucks arse. I kind of think that if you dont try you wont get anywhere and if he doesnt go for it then its no different than usual. Xx

@Solomon1212 you could be right, daft as it sounds how did you deal with the mess?!

I just put towels down on the bed and floor. Tbh he ate the majority 😂😂😂. Just try to have fun with it. He may feel slightly weird about it right now as my ex had been hiding his fetish for years as felt like it was to much. Bringing it into our sex life opened up communication and sex wasnt boring. Not that we done that every time. X

Instead of wasting time and energy trying to accommodate a fetish which you really aren't into, do yourself a favour and let go of this 'relationship' and go find someone who loves and wants you totally.

I think that there is a great deal to be said for laying one's kink cards on the table soon after two people meet. If that is done before anyone has a chance to develop deep feelings for someone, it is easy to move on.

All you have to do is say, 'I am really interested in sploshing (or whatever your kink is) and exploring that side of me is an essential part of a relationship, so if you are not happy to experiment in that area we will have to stay friends and no more.' If the other person recoils in horror at the mention of a fetish, you have probably done yourself and them a huge favour. If they are OK with it then so much the better.

If you are not initially open and totally honest about what turns you on, then you could easily find yourself in a relationship such as this one.

You can get pvc bed sheets so maybe get one of those and have a few glasses one night and get some chocolate gnache on the go and some strawberries hahaa
I think problem is that he's not seemingly interested when you mention it.
I finally opened up to my partner about my fettish and it made our sex life more exciting.
Maybe he's embarrassed you know?