Chastity Cages and wanting to be submissive

[isitsummertimeyet]

As a guy that's always took the dominant role ir lead in the bedroom i wanted to mix up the fun in the bedroom after 17 years together so purchase a couple of chastity cage devices to try. Explained to the wife she would benefit from these as my focus would solely be on her pleasure (in fairness that's usually the case anyway so it's really only me being denied that's the changing dynamic factor) sent links for ideas for dom games so she can determine my release from cage and orgasms but shes just not really buying into it as much as I'd hoped. Couple of times over the last couple of months I've had to hint to get her to remember we even have it.. I want to be more submissive for her, any suggestions how I can get her being a bit more dominant without the hints.. thanks.

Replace domination and chastity cages with learning to rollerskate together. You’ve bought skates and sent her links about beginners skating. She hasn’t tried the skates on or suggested the two of you go for a skate.

You’d realise she wasn’t interested, wouldn’t you?

This is exactly the same. You can’t decide you want to try something out, explain to someone what you want them to do, all without actually asking or exploring with them first, and expect them to be excited by something they don’t have any interest in or get their kicks out of.

Have a proper conversation with her about your sex life, whether it’s something she’d like to explore with you (and be prepared to take no for an answer) or shelve the whole thing as a bad idea.

If it's not her bag that's fine, just thought keeping things fun and fresh, she seems to blow hot n cold with the idea, not asking for gimp masks or anything down that road.. theres no rush as such, just trying to keep sex fun from turning into a routine that people end up disliking.. on the whole the sexlife is better than most. Thanks for replying

You say you want to be submissive for her but it's you pushing for it and she's showing little interest.
The truth is you want to be submissive for you.
I don't mean that to sound judgemental, it's easy to confuse honest and open reality when projecting fantasy onto a partner.
She may be more willing to experiment with your desire if you don't put the responsibility on her shoulders by talking about it being for her.

I fear relatively few 'civilian' women would want this. Hence a popular thing with the professionals (dommes).

Like PPs have said, you need to have an open conversation about this. If she is naturally submissive, it’s hard to take the domme role. My partner and I are both a bit switch, but I am much more inclined to be submissive. I have to be in the right headspace and it doesn’t happen that often.

We are poly, so it’s not really a problem for us - his other partner is much more dominant than I am, and so it takes the pressure off me. That’s obviously not possible for everyone though - and even in that context I do sometimes struggle with insecurity of not being able to ‘give him what he wants’. We resolve it through honest and open discussion. That is also what you need to do.

@isit.i think

I think many women are not naturally "Dom" if they even think about it in this way. DH and I are a normal couple but occasionally have tried being more adventurous, although usually more initiated by him saying he liked something etc. I found him being like you describe as being Dom when doing things in bed was better for me especially if was something newish! However, occasionally I have done things you might class as being Dom and yes he responded far more enthusiastically than I imagined he would and really wanted to please me.
I don't have any advice how to achieve what you want as it just isn't that easy

it was just something new to try. i probably had more interest to try it as its madness for a guy to want to restrict his orgasms and to allow his partner to determine when he is allowed to release was gonna be something interesting to try.. wasnt something i planned on making a permanent fixture in our bedroom lives. she did enjoy it the few times it was worn but probably wasnt into it as much as her pleasure is always my main focus anyway so all this added was stopping me getting mine really.

it was tried, not massively bought into by the wife, so we carry on, maybe try some new things to keep it fun. thanks for replying, the responses and diffferent opinions are always appreciated