Gentlemen : if someone tells you they have been in threesomes/orgy...?

[Mirabelle1st]

So I've dabbled a bit in this stuff, not quite sex but had fun with multiple people at the same time, both sexes. I usually keep this stuff to myself if I'm online dating but was speaking with someone recently on the phone and I opened up a bit about it as we were really getting on well. He revealed he had a few threesomes when younger and said my confession didn't bother him at all but I'm a teeny bit worried about what impression I've just given. I look extremely sensible in real life too. I know I shouldn't care, and it was quite cathartic to be open but now I'm worried I've just come across as easy....

Not a man; but if somebody told me about their previous threesomes and group sex in very early dating I’d assume they were breadcrumbing me - making it clear that’s what they wanted from me.

And it’s totally fine if that’s what you do want, and men who would judge you for it aren’t what you’re looking for - but the problem with being overtly sexual very early on (have you even met him yet?) is that many men put you in the “bit of fun” category rather than “potential relationship” one. It may also be difficult to take a step back and keep getting to know each other without him trying to reel you back into sex talk, so if you’d prefer it not to be entirely a sex thing you’ll need to make that clear to him.

@ComtesseDeSpair that's what I'm worried about, we were just talking normally and joking around questioning each other and he asked me. We have been really flirty generally but in a jokey way. Sounds like I've made a big mistake with this one then.

Not necessarily a mistake, and flirting is a good dynamic: but you do need to be clear with him about what you want from here and the next time he tries to lead the conversation towards sex tell him that you don’t want everything to become about six just because you were both honest about things so early on. Say that you’d also like to get to know him as a person and would prefer to keep the talk about sex for when you can actually meet and gauge physical chemistry. His response to that will tell you where his interest lies. If he likes you and wants the same he’ll be fine with it. If he keeps trying to persist in getting you to talk about sex then you know that’s probably all he was ever interested in in the first place, regardless of how soon you’d been open about your own threesomes etc.

Well we are all different so what any of us think doesn't really matter. It's only what people in your life, or you yourself, think that counts.

Seeing as you asked though, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I believe sex can be a major part of a serious intimate relationship but it is also recreation / fun that should be enjoyed for what it is. People who are overly repressed or hung up about their or others sexual activities invariably have far more issues than people who are open minded and liberal. I also hate the fact that males who have had promiscuous sex lives are often seen as "lads" whereas all to often liberal women are judged negatively.

All that said though, I prefer to keep my past sex life personal and have no interest in knowing what my partner might have done previously or with who.

It was just chit chat and we have talked regularly since jokingly. It's just one subject we touched on, ie have you ever done this but he had done the same sorts of stuff. I have just never told anyone before and wondered if I'd made a bug mistake. He hasn't mentioned it again at all.

If he hasn’t mentioned it again then maybe he’s one of the good ones. Stick to light flirting and wait until you meet to discuss your sex lives; if nothing else because it’s incredibly cringe finally meeting, realising you don’t fancy them in person, and knowing they know your sex history and fantasies.

It still isn’t clear whether you’ve actually met - but the reality is that some men on dating sites are just looking for wank fodder, particularly now when they’re stuck at home alone. If you start sex talk with somebody you don’t know, you don’t know whether they’re one of those or not. I don’t think it’s a mistake because of any prudishness or repression - I just don’t think it’s a good idea to potentially become a stranger’s sexual kick especially if you’re hoping for something more. It doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong, just be cautious.

No, I wouldnt be shocked nor offended, it isnt really a big deal in the grand scheme of things

meh

if somebody told me about their previous threesomes and group sex in very early dating I’d assume they were breadcrumbing me - making it clear that’s what they wanted from me.

That's a slightly cynical point of view, but possibly comes from experience as some men are arseholes. As a man I think differently and tend not to look for hidden meanings in things - I'd take from this that you were telling me you were fun, open minded and adventurous in bed ... which is A Good Thing. It certainly wouldn't put me off, quite the opposite in fact.