Can it work if my boyfriend is a Sub but I'm not a Dom?

[Namechanged127865]

Have namechange for this.

So my boyfriend of 2 years is a Sub. Had always been open about that. Tbh it is just not my thing. Our sex life is fantastic in my eyes and he seems to agree.

Will he be happy with our sex life as it is or will he always have the need to "scratch the itch"?

He was involved in the swingers scene etc before we met and although I trust him I just cant get out of my head that i (our sexlife) wont be enough for him long term.

Anybody been in a similar position?

Are people defined by these roles? I must confess to being a bit ignorant in this area.

Tbh I didn't really know much about it until we got together. It's something he says he really enjoys sexually which is fine but it's just not my thing. I'm worried he will end up craving that excitement at some point.

I think that would really depend on the person - whether this is something they enjoy on occasion alongside other sexual experiences or whether they feel it’s a fundamental part of their sexuality. My ex reckoned he was a Dom (actually just an abuser), and I was gradually groomed into accepting an increasing level of abuse because otherwise I was stopping him being who he was 🙄

I think you need a very frank discussion

You need to chat it through but its really not black and white. Remember its just a label, what you decide it means is more important.

You've been with him 2 years OP and he's been open about what he likes...surely this has already transferred to the bedroom? Is he showing his submissive tendencies when you have sex? Ultimately if it's a turn off for you, you can't help that, but perhaps meet him half way with this. Indulge him a little if you care about him but be clear you dont want these roles defined permanently.

Maybe you can find some common ground. There might be stuff that you both enjoy that is a little bit sub/dom. I'm no expert by any means but I know this area is very wide ranging xx

There are few women who are comfortable playing a dominating role on a consistent basis. Most men know that the chances of finding that 'ideal' woman, whilst also being a good partner, are low. But it will be an itch that will (probably) always be there for him.

I think the advice here is generally good -- see if there are some things you can do. Use of a commanding voice may help; tap/smack on the bottom if he leans over; setting a few tasks (sexual treat, once you've done the cooking or whatever??). Dossie Easton's "The topping book" if you want to go further (!).

Thanks everyone. I have been doing a little research and we have had a good chat about it.

He said that yes it something he really missed but not enough to then do it behind my back or anything. Hes given me a bit of a better understanding of what he likes and I must admit it's not as "scary" as I was kind of imagining. Liked the ideas actually.

So I've done a little bit of shopping online for some bits and will be giving the whole Dom thing a go next weekend

I think I had that relationship - my husband is in a career where he has to be in control at all times. From the day we met 25 years ago he was honest about enjoying being dominated. It was a bit of fun.... and we played lots of games.
But about 5 years ago after I hit my early 40s it started to escalate to the point where I was no longer enjoying play but wd just do it to keep him happy. One day I said I couldn’t do it any more. He being the control freak he is put everything away with the aim of not wanting me to feel that I had to be something I wasn’t.
We ticked along for a while.
His sex drive disappeared.
I felt like I wasnt enough any more without the games....
I had a bit of a breakdown eventually. He got me through it (he is an amazing Dad and a supportive partner) but said the breakdown had drained our relationship. We limped on for a couple of years but he locked himself away in his head and physically from me.
He left me last year as there was “no spark” any more...
I love this man deeply and he cares about me but he couldn’t function physically without his kink.
It has destroyed my self esteem and sexual confidence but I hope one day to get that back.
I guess be prepared.
😘