Role reversal

[embarressingquestion]

DH and I together 13 years. Very normal sex life. Admittedly it's not as frequent as it used to be, as we have two DC under 2, so are constantly shattered!

Our usual dynamic has always been for him to take charge a bit. Not like heavy S&M or anything, but with dirty talk and maybe some spanking etc. Well we were in bed recently and he suddenly asked me to bend him over and spank him (god this is embarrassing) He wanted me to talk dirty too. I'm just really not good at that. I feel so embarrassed and uncomfortable. I'd like to try but how do you get over feeling like a bad porn actress??? I just don't have the confidence to portray the 'dom' image.

For a man to get involved in role reversal there usually needs to be an enormous amount of trust on his part. Even just an admission that he wants you to drive the BDSM bus is an act of opening himself to you. There is a huge emotional investment by him to reveal this side of himself to you. Even if you never manage to fully carry out the scenario he envisages, you ought to be so pleased that he has brought this level of intimacy to the relationship. You should feel so proud that your DH has this trust in you and your relationship.

Bearing that in mind will help you get into the kind of mood to engage more readily in this desire of his without any undue embarrassment on your part. There is nothing cringeworthy about his emotional honesty, so feel honoured that he can reveal his desire to be spanked and relish doing this for him.

Very, very few of us are either totally black, or white; we are usually a shade of grey between the two and that shade can vary from day to day. Your normally dominant DH has found in himself an element of being submissive that he wants to explore. It is highly likely that you, the usually submissive partner, have an element of being dominant deep down inside yourself. Being able to switch from dom to sub (and vice versa) is very common and many of us don't know exactly where that role reversal bit of us resides until we actively begin to look for it. I'd advise you to focus less on what you are doing in a scene and more on the pleasure it is giving your DH. Encouraging him to give you plenty of feedback will help you relax and lose yourself in the moment. Use the traffic light system for feedback: if you're spanking him, green means more of it and harder, amber means that he can tolerate that precise level of impact, and obviously red means stop.

Best wishes.

Why not start slow, e.g. tie him to the bed and blindfold him then touch him with different objects and have him guess what it is. As you get more confident you can spank him when he gets it wrong etc. Your dirty talk can also start off slow e.g. ask him if he likes it, if he wants you to do it again, tell him you're enjoying seeing him like that etc. Have fun

Oh ... how exciting !!
As the pp has said already, for him to open up to you is a massive compliment and shows the trust that he has in you, and your relationship to be so honest with you. Well done that man !!!

I also agree with the blindfold. It may give you the confidence you need initially to step outside your comfort zone, plus he won't see you having a little giggle to yourself but hopefully it won't take long for you to channel your inner Dom so he best watch out ;-)

You could also ramp up the sex-texting. Whilst you're next in the supermarket queue, have a think of some things that you're going to do to him, make a note of them in notepad, and then send him one or two when he's least expects it.

You could gage his response and see how far he wants you to go, whilst having a little filthy giggle to yourself and thinking "oh god - how am I going to pull this off".

Can you tell I've done this before 😬

Enjoy yourself, you lucky lady xx

Wow I hadn't really thought of how difficult it must have been for him to say he wanted to try it. I just went along with it but felt really awkward. You're right though, it must have been brave of him. I also like the idea of tying him up with a blindfold so he can't see me! I'll feel less 'on show' like that.

We're going away tomorrow for the weekend with a four poster bedroom so that's probably what he's hoping for too haha

embarrassingquestion, I am pleased that you now realise just what a compliment he has paid you by choosing to show this vulnerable side of himself. He loves and trusts you - of that there can be no doubt.

It sounds as though you can use that blindfold idea to good effect when exploring these new aspects of your sexuality together on your weekend away. I hope that you both have a fun time and that all goes well for you both.

As you progress (slowly) your will be surprised how you own bedroom confidence increases. You can't expect to be great at this stuff from day 1, as with everything else it takes time. Above all else I would suggest that between you not to take things too serious. Have fun