He isn't bothered if I have sex with others (swinging)

[MandyJane1]

This really, my partner says he is fine with seeing me with other men if we are in a swinging type scene. He actually gets off on it. But I am not, I don't like the idea of other women and him. I asked if he minded if I dated any one else a long time back, and he said not if it was just for sex.

Is something wrong here that I am jealous and he is not? He completely separates sex and love.

How long have you been together ? Do you do swinging or you’ve talked about it ? Everyone has fantasies and some couples have different types of open relationships with others either alone or together. It’s about agreement of what is ok and trust you both stay within those boundaries

@Jane1978xx about 18 months together. I have led a repressed life but he was the opposite. We have been attending swinger type clubs for the last few months and gradually I've become more confident in letting men join us. My partner finds it a big turn on, that men want me, but I get very annoyed at the thought of other women and him. He says he is not bothered about anyone else but am I being unfair on him given we have different views on this.

You should not do anything you are uncomfortable with, no one should expect you to over the line you draw. I'm sorry but in this if he is expecting you to do things you feel uncomfortable with it's time to leave.

If you hadn’t discussed and agreed and been totally fine in swinging then you Shouldn’t have gone. If your views and expectation don’t align don’t do it. You should either stop swinging or leave the relationship

MardyJame
You say you have become more confident in letting men join you
Do you enjoy those encounters?
Your partner has indicated that he enjoys seeing you with other guys and he is not bothered about playing with other women.
You get annoyed at the thought of him with other women but you can’t help that.
You also worry about being unfair, if what your doing in involving other men works for you both where’s the problem
As the others say though if it isn’t working chat it through and stop doing what doesn’t work

I do not think this is working for you. I second everything that was said previously. What are you defining or redefining as a "repressed life" exactly? Per whose standard ? Are you sure that you are within your boundaries ? You don't need to be fresh meat. IMHO. I'm not certain you are getting the fulfilling relationship most of us are yearning for with that peculiar person.

@F4standLoud yes I enjoy these encounters a lot. So does he. But even though he says he is not bothered by other women, I feel I'm still drawing an unfair line somehow.

@Jane1978xx he would be fine to stop swinging too, it's just something we did foe fun which I liked. But it might be too grey for me if he went near someone else.

Maybe stop then , his attitude is the right one you shouldn’t be Jealous during it. It seems like you didn’t talk enough about it before you started

You have made it known that you do not want him to have sex with other women as part of your swinging. He says that he is not bothered by this limit.

He is not upset by you having sex with other men, on the contrary he enjoys seeing you do this, and you say that you also enjoy it.

What then is the problem here? You admit to feelings of insecurity about him having sex outside your relationship and he respects you. There is no problem whatsoever in my opinion.

Sounds to me like you have agreed on, and respect each other’s boundaries? You both enjoy you being with other men, and have agreed encounters with other women are not part of your repertoire. Sounds fine to me too.

I just have issues with feeling selfish, that I'm doing things but he shouldn't. It depends on the person but if it were someone who I thought was his type, I would not like this.

OP,
There are a lot of guys that are turned on by having /watching / knowing that another man is having sex with their partner.
There is a whole "hotwife" / "cuckold" scene out there - he is definitely not alone!

The separation of love and sex is not abnormal. I'm certain he absolutely loves you, and you say you enjoy the encounters, which is the main thing. pm me!

You shouldn't feel selfish - he is very much getting his jollies by "sharing" you. If he says he isn't bothered by having sex with anyone else, I'd believe him!

Do you guys have "reclaim sex"?

I'm not really suggesting this, but you could consider having a look at Fabswingers - there are quite a few couples that do the same thing. It might make you feel better to have a chat with some of the other women in these sort of relationships?

@AverageGuy yes we have reclaim sex. He likes men wanting me, is that cuckolding? But I don't like any woman wanting him.

Op,
The "reclaim sex" shows that he still loves you, and wants to be intimate with you - all good!

Without you giving more details away, I can't say if it's "hotwifing" or "cuckolding", but it sounds more like "hotwifing".

In all seriousness, if you want more information, and aren't comfortable discussing this on a public forum, do PM me. (I'll behave!) I don't have much experience in this arena, but I might be able to help.

It's absolutely fine and normal for you not to want him to be with another woman, or to be uncomfortable with the thought that another woman wants him.

I don't believe he actually wants anyone else, and I think you are worrying over nothing.